Realizations From Midlife Women After They Stop Drinking
Episode 304
In this episode, we're diving into a topic that's been on my mind for a while - the realizations women have after they stop drinking. This isn't just about the good stuff, though. We're going to talk about the hard parts too.
I want to give you a peek inside what it's really like to go alcohol-free later in life. It's not always easy, and it's not always fun. But it's real, and it's important. Whether you're struggling to stay alcohol-free or finding life without alcohol to be a mix of rewarding and awkward, you're not alone.
The realizations...
It's tougher or easier than expected: Some find it harder, others more manageable than anticipated.
Time is crucial: Many realize they need more time to work through the hard parts, especially in the first few months.
Cravings pass: With time, women learn they can work through urges without giving in.
Emotional rollercoaster: Feelings of sadness, moodiness, and grief for their drinking self are common, especially in the first 90 days.
It doesn't fix everything: Quitting alcohol makes life more manageable but isn't a cure-all for life's problems.
Not everyone drinks the same: Many realize their drinking habits are different from others.
Others don't care as much: Most people aren't as concerned about your drinking status as you might think.
Relationships change: Some relationships take time to adjust, while others might not survive the transition.
Improved connections: Many experience better relationships with family and friends.
Identity shift: Realizing their identity was wrapped up in alcohol (e.g., being the party girl).
Less anxiety: While still present, anxiety levels often decrease without alcohol.
Boredom and fulfillment: Some feel bored or unfulfilled initially, but this often passes with time.
Better choices: Many make improved decisions about food, exercise, and productivity.
Unexpected support: Some are surprised to find others who don't drink or are curious about quitting.
You're not the only one who is finding. Life without alcohol to be rewarding, sometimes unfulfilling, and an awkward experience. So this is what we're talking about today.
I hope this episode reminds you that we are all in this together.
I’m with you!
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Hey there! Welcome to episode 304 of To 50 and Beyond. Today, we're diving into a topic that's been on my mind for a while - the realizations women have after they stop drinking. This isn't just about the good stuff, though. We're going to talk about the hard parts too.
I want to give you a peek inside what it's really like to go alcohol-free later in life. It's not always easy, and it's not always fun. But it's real, and it's important. Whether you're struggling to stay alcohol-free or finding life without booze to be a mix of rewarding and awkward, you're not alone. Let's chat about the ups and downs of this journey together.
And so I didn't want to allow myself to experience joy. I thought a lot of it was flukes. The days that I was actually, this is good. I'm feeling good. This is the right decision for me because I was fighting myself for a really long time. So again, this episode is to give you insights. Not fluff, just honest accounts and realization.
Some of them are really fun and intercede. And they're not in order because I did just sit down this morning and write them out. So I want to start reading this list that I made.
The realizations that women have after they stopped drinking. It's tougher. Or easier than they thought. For me, it was tougher. I thought you stopped drinking. That's it. You stopped drinking. I thought it was going to suck. I thought I was going to be boring.
I thought I was going to be an outcast. All of those things. I didn't think that it was going to be as tough as it was. And the realizations came in that first year the level that my drinking had reached. What I didn't know while I was drinking. And I've also said this from the very beginning. It's really tough when you're drinking. To have a different perspective.
So after you stopped drinking, Yeah, they're going to come in fast and furious. But come on, let's be honest. Especially as we get older. This is good. It's good for us to realize things about ourselves. It's good for us to learn more about ourselves. And that's what I did in that first year. It wasn't pretty. But neither was my drinking.
A lot of women think it's easier than they thought. And I will say this.
I know that there are people out there who. Choose to give up alcohol. And they have an hour. I don't even want to say easier. Maybe it's A lot more manageable. Let's replace easier, a lot more manageable than they thought they're actually enjoying the experience.
And so I always want to share that like it's possible. If you are worried, like this is going to be hard, I'm not going to enjoy it. Get it. But also, maybe look at it as you just don't know. And if you've taken a lot of breaks, maybe you haven't given yourself enough time to get to that point where you go. Okay. This can be manageable for me.
That's the next thing that I want to talk about. A lot of women realized they weren't giving themselves enough time to work through the hard parts the first few months. Those are tough for me the first year, second year. still was challenging because I was in that place of really accepting more. Of the lifestyle accepting more of myself as a non-drinker. Time is. Our greatest resource and you have time. It's not too late.
And boy, it's really tough to say how much time to give yourself. Because we're in October, we're coming out of a sober October 30 days. I believe you deserve more time than that. I would go in 90. A hundred. I would go all in.
That's going to give yourself. Time to adjust. And have some more realizations for yourself. And so time is a big resource and in time, A lot of women realize cravings will pass. And I'm talking about in the moment. Have a craving doing something different busying themselves. Moving. Taking walks talking to somebody about it, cravings and urges to drink. They pass. And that's what I realized. In time I can work through those moments where I just want to say F it, I don't have to say F it to me and what I want more than drinking alcohol. I could say F. Alcohol and take a walk. And it's going to pass.
The next thing. The realization. Of committing. To themselves and what they want more than alcohol. Is what has helped them move forward without drinking? But that's where we get to that point. And there's no timeline here. If you're not there yet.
It's okay. Took me a while to get there. I realized, you know, what, the back and forth is exhausting. The thinking about drinking and not drinking, worrying about my drinking I was drinking because I was worried about my drinking. That was too much. And so a lot of the realization comes after you make that choice, that decision, you go all in to what you want more than drinking alcohol.
And that changes the game. It takes alcohol off the table. And then you realize, oh boy, I was thinking about drinking and not drinking a lot while I was drinking. And now I stopped drinking and the chatter is still happening. And one of the toughest parts, especially in the first few months to a year, The drinking thoughts.
Thinking about alcohol, thinking about drinking.
Negotiating with yourself that first full year. Me not drinking. I went all in. I always talk about this plan, a all in on living an alcohol free lifestyle. And I was still in negotiations with myself. What if, you didn't have a last Rux. I really did it. I didn't have a last hurrah. The night I quit drinking. It was very sudden after two years of thinking about quitting drinking the night that I chose to stop drinking, there was not a blowout. And I am that mindset.
Like I got to have a blowout before I start something I would say to myself, well, you didn't really have that last around. Maybe you go back, maybe you try it again. You've given yourself enough time.
Maybe we can just have one, all of that chatter. It is tough. And the realization that I've heard from women, it starts to get quieter the longer you go again, time. As your best friend here. This is what I will suggest if you're in that place. I just had this conversation with someone the other day.
Right about it. Get your thoughts down on paper. All of it makes sense of what you were saying to yourself. Because then you can look at it and go, okay, I got it out of my brain for now. Closed your journal, close your notebook, write it on a piece of paper, throw it away if you want. And walk away from it and do something else.
Going alcohol-free is such a practice in mindfulness and paying attention to those thoughts and not giving into them by drinking alcohol, but acknowledging them, like getting interested about them. What are they trying to tell me here? Okay. I haven't given myself enough time.
Okay. I get it. I just stopped drinking. I get that. I'm going to think about drinking the expectations change. When you are able to give yourself a better conversation. Around that, because I thought again, it's going to be easier than it was. I didn't expect to think about drinking as much as I did.
So I really had to have conversations in my journal. My journal was my best friend in the beginning because I would write it out like, okay. I didn't expect this, but doesn't mean that I have to go back to drinking. Another realization. Women feel sad and miss alcohol. Tired moody. And like they are grieving.
They're drinking self there's a lot of anger. That happens within that first 90 days. Again in time that will pass. But that is hard to face and I felt the same way, and I didn't even realize what it was back in 2013. You know, Not a lot of people were talking about this. And so I didn't realize, I just thought. It's you. You're the only one. That can't drink. There's something wrong with you.
And I would say that to myself. So of course, you know, I was angry at myself. I had a lot of resentment. And then I was really grieving my drinking self as she'd been part of my life for 30 years, I felt sad. And a lot of women feel that way as well. That's why I want to share this stuff that we don't really talk about that much, but I know I need two more.
It's not all rainbows and butterflies. And feeling these emotions. Without drinking. Oh boy. That's going to be one of those things that is going to lead to increased. Emotional resiliency and growth. And that's what we're looking for.
We're looking for freedom from alcohol, because a lot of us, many of us, most of us. Turn to alcohol. To take the chatter away to take the sadness and the grieving away. . We can't do that anymore. Now we're stepping into the role that alcohol once played in our lives. And that's freedom. Always hope that you can talk to somebody about it and your home, a good friend, a therapist, a counselor, anybody where you can have a conversation and let those feelings out, but just know that you are not alone and in time. Those thoughts will pass we can't. Go around the hard parts. Of giving up alcohol.
We got to go through them. Another realization going alcohol-free, doesn't fix everything. It makes you more capable of managing the challenges of life, but it's not a cure all for life's problems. And I've said from the very beginning, life is happening, whether we are drinking or not. I realized that I didn't need to fix my life or fix myself.
Outgoing alcohol-free made me realize more about myself in that first year than I ever had in my entire life. That I didn't need fixing that there was nothing wrong with me that I was human. And that's one of the greatest perks of giving up alcohol, especially if you are somebody who uses alcohol to tune yourself out and to avoid yourself.
Like I did. I realized that life is happening. It's not an answer. It's a short term checkout. And I want to check into my life. And that was one of the reasons why I stopped drinking. I want to check in, I want to be there. For my life, because I had really escaped it and avoided it. Another realization, not everyone drinks like me. I was counting the drinks after I stopped drinking. If I was around drinkers, I would count drinks. Not everybody drinks like me. Many women have realized this as well. Another one, no one truly cares if you're drinking or not.
If they do care about your drinking, it's not about you. It's about them. And a lot of people too. I feel when I stopped drinking, it was new. It was really new. Like, why are you going to stop drinking? And what I thought was there was judgment and there probably was, I was judging myself. I didn't need anybody else to judge me, but it was almost like. That's new. That's not what we do. We drink. That's what everybody does the world. But then you realize, well, not everybody was drinking like me.
People could take it or leave it. Huh? I didn't know that was going on. In my circle. And if they did say something to me about it. I feel like for me, Particularly in 2013. Some of the women in my life were hearing this for the very first time. Like, what do you mean you're not going to be drinking? And then it was like, Ooh, don't ask me to stop drinking. That's not about me.
Another realization is relationships.
Take time to find their groove. If they're worth having. He just take time. No matter what it is, you, you stopped drinking. You're an occasional drinker and you go out with friends and used to drink with them twice a month. Same as if somebody they're very social and they go out a lot.
They're going out two or three times a week. We all have to have those moments where we realize. Relationships, if they're worth having. Relationships take time to find their groove, but. Cannot drink for anybody else. So if you're feeling the pressure and you're thinking, I don't know if this relationship is going to make it.
I know how hard that is. Some of mine did, and I don't think it was anything to do with alcohol. I think because like I talked about a few episodes ago, I outgrew myself. I out grew some of those relationships and that was the outgrowing yourself in midlife episode. But if they're worth having these relationships that you really want are going to take time to find their groove.
Another realization that women have had. And I have had as well improved relationships with family and friends. My relationship with my husband. Has improved. We were just talking about this yesterday, we went down to the ocean. I got to get to the ocean at least once a week. It's my happy place.
We went to LA Jolla, California, and we were taking a walk with our dog, Frankie blue, and we were just talking on the way there. About. If we were still drinking and what that would look like for us at this point, because we have been married for 25 years, been together almost 28. You know what that would look like because we drank a lot together in the beginning. And it would just be a totally different experience.
Everything that we would do. Revolved around drinking alcohol and we weren't having open conversations. And so, you know, I know that my relationship with my husband. Has changed. Greatly. And that took a lot of time to get to that point. Cause it was really tough in the beginning for both of us because he did stop drinking as well. Give yourself more time. You see the theme here is always, whenever I talk about any of this, the theme is always around time and giving yourself more time. Some of the other realizations. Of course better ability to handle stress and difficult emotions that comes in time.
I kind of already touched on that. A sense of empowerment and accomplishment. Trumps any sip of alcohol, any glass of alcohol, self-pride a new found appreciation for experiences because they are not drinking improved skin and overall health. This is what I hear a lot. We have these conversations in my community about better blood work. Not being so scared to go to the doctor. That's a perk for sure. A lot of women realize when they get to the point of grieving , their drinking self, that their identity was wrapped up in alcohol.
Like I've mentioned the party girl, the one who is always saying yes to going out or hosting. That changes again, the relationships, because, you know, we cannot do the same things we did. If we are trying to maintain an alcohol-free lifestyle while we were drinking. And so it comes to this point where women realize, I was saying yes to way too much
a lot of women realize that their social calendars was holding them back. From giving up alcohol. And so what happens then? We got to change it up. Got to stop saying yes to. Things that we really don't want to, because that's another realization they realize I don't want to do these things. I was doing them because I was drinking alcohol. They start saying, you know, let's do something different, maybe coffee, maybe a walk or something. It's not the typical going out after work or going out at night or celebrating at the end of the week by drinking alcohol, we do something differently. Give yourself plenty of time with that because we are as midlife women, we do say yes, we want to please other people we want to host. We want to do these things. And then you realize, oh my goodness. I didn't want to do that. Have I ever wanted to do that? And that's one of those realizations where you just think, oh my gosh, I feel regretful. About my drinking. I feel shame around my drinking. I feel shame that I'm not drinking. And we get to those hard, hard moments.
And I was there for a really long time. It's like, dang it. What was I doing? You have those cringe-worthy moments and then you think. Have I wasted my life when you have those moments of I've wasted time while drinking. I hope that you can get to a place where you can practice gratitude for getting to a place where you're going to change things up.
When you get to that point where you're feeling like, oh my gosh, I've wasted so much time with drinking and you're feeling the regret and you're feeling the shame around that.
And I should have known and all of those things, I felt that. As well. We didn't waste our lives. We haven't wasted our lives by drinking alcohol. There are certain things that we didn't know while we were drinking. We're human and alcohol is something that is deeply ingrained in our relationships in society.
We think that it's okay, this is what everyone does. And we come to that realization. I don't know if I should have been doing it. My personality was not one that should have been drinking. That's tough to face. Now I'm doing things differently.
I didn't waste my life by drinking alcohol. Now I know better. And I'm doing better and I'm giving myself a different experience and I'm going to go all in on what I have left as far as time. And this life. And I'm not going to give it up to alcohol anymore. But it's not a wasted life. And I hope that you are able to get to that point as well, because I know that that's a tough realization to have. But I'm with you.
Another realization is. Women are saying. I'm anxious, but I'm not as anxious when I was drinking that anxiety is next level. I felt that too. They feel bored and unfulfilled without drinking. There's no glow up. There's no pink cloud. And they remind themselves in those moments that they haven't had enough time. That alcohol is not going to bring any kind of fulfillment into their lives because they remember why they started. And they keep going.
I'm raising both hands to this. There was no glow up. There was no pink cloud in the beginning. No, I just kept going because I knew alcohol is not the answer. It's not going to change anything. And this is the reason why I started out on this road to alcohol freedom, because I felt unfulfilled with my drinking.
So I'm going to keep going. I'm going to see what's around the corner. And get myself a little bit more time. Women are realizing that the responses they get are very interesting. Again, it's not about them, but they're hearing things like, did you have a problem with alcohol?
Why would you ever give up alcohol? And in those moments where it gets really awkward. I will say the best thing that you can do for yourself because I've had women who've said, like, I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do is to walk away from any kind of conversation, because I know we're coming up on the holidays.
If aunt Sally starts popping off, And saying something like that. Just go. He knew what. I'm going to go use the bathroom or I'm going to go outside or you make a French exit and he get the H E double L out of there. And you protect yourself.
You do not deserve anybody. Questioning your drinking, especially when you're in the beginning, because you're learning more about it right now. So the responses are interceding and learn from them. And I know that they're awkward sometimes, but do not drink because of them. A lot of women have rediscovered old hobbies.
They found new passions. I've heard. I would never have been able to do this if I was still drinking. So this fill in the blank, go back to school. Start a new career travel, do things on my own. All this is coming up and mid life and it is exciting. Women realize they make better food choices.
I'm not talking about losing weight, but it's like I make better food choices. I feel better. And that always goes back to then I sleep better than I make better choices about my exercise. And I'm more productive during the day.
It is that cycle of better? Even though a lot of women in the beginning have a difficult time sleeping. They realize I'm just not as tired and feel so sluggish the next day. I'm tired, but I am less foggy, less groggy without drinking alcohol.
I want to save this one for last. It's a good one. When women share the fact that they're not drinking. They don't always get that response that I just talked about. They get from other women in their lives or just women they're meeting for the first time. Either I don't drink either, or I'm kind of curious about giving up alcohol and the conversation turns into a much better conversation. I'm not saying that he needed to go out and be the role model and inspire anybody that man, when you were in that place, and sometimes you, you don't have to plan this. If you're just out somewhere you're having dinner or you're doing something during the holidays and it just comes up, it comes out of your mouth because I know it's really hard to say I don't drink. Those three words. Dang.
That's a mindset for sure. When you say it, you just never know who you will be giving that option. Of giving up alcohol too. He just never know. I thank you for listening today. I would love to hear from you on this topic. If you've had realizations, please email me at hello, lori@lorimascot.com. I may be off next week from the podcast.
Maybe not. I don't know, but I'm going to say right now, if I'm off, I will be back November six. With a lighthearted episode about self care. I feel like we're going into election week and ever go and talk politics. Never. But I feel like that's the week I know inside my community that we're going to be focused on self care and really taking care of ourselves.
So I'm going to be back either October 31st. Or November 6th, and I hope that you take care of yourself. If you do want to check out team alcohol-free, I'm going to be closing enrollment November 15th. I will have updates on the sales page and to my email community about what you're going to be getting.
Once you enroll before the 15th of November. And all of the changes that are going to be coming in 2025. I'm not going to put it out there yet because I haven't shared it with my community yet, but that is what I've been working diligently on. And that is why I may not be here next week. You can learn more about team alcohol-free.
It's a wonderful community for women 35 and over we are working on being alcohol-free together. And you can go to Lorimassicot.com. Just click the link in the show notes. I'm giving you a big hug on the way out. Thank you so much for being here today. Take care of yourself this week. My friend peace.
Want more? Check out these popular episodes:
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