Own Your Process and Celebrate Your Progress

The purpose of this episode is to remind you to be patient and celebrate your progress in your journey towards alcohol freedom.

Your “process” is unique, and it's not just about consecutive alcohol-free days. It's about what you learn and discover along the way.

I’ll give you ideas to help you celebrate your growth beyond just counting days without drinking. It's time to acknowledge your efforts and build yourself up as you work towards freedom from alcohol.

Remember, the road to alcohol freedom takes time and patience. You are worth the effort you're putting in, and I encourage you to remind yourself of that often.

• ➔Transcript

  [00:00:00] Hey there. I am Lori. I am so happy that you are here. This is To 50 and Beyond where we talk about living alcohol-free later in life. If you are returning back to the podcast, big hug to you today, my friend, I appreciate you for coming back. And if you're new to the podcast, I'm also going to give you a virtual hug.

  I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that you found this, uh, podcast. My goodness, 250 and beyond. Been around since 2018. I stopped drinking in 2013 after three decades of pretty consistent drinking. And the reason this podcast still exists is because I know that there is a need for this conversation later in life with women who are realizing that going alcohol free is an option.

  And together we are moving past the stigma of what we thought a person who doesn't drink is. And I am the face of a midlife woman who is living a sober lifestyle. And I'm going to be shouting it from the rooftops [00:01:00] for as long as I can. Um, because the stigma is holding women back from giving up alcohol, finding their road to alcohol freedom.

  The purpose of this short and sweet episode is for you to check in with yourself today. And I want to give you a reminder that if you're working towards freeing yourself from alcohol, to be patient and compassionate with yourself and also give yourself lots of praise for the work that you are doing to get yourself to where you want to be.

  I don't want you to miss out on the progress and the growth that you are making, but maybe you can't see. So today I'm going to share ideas that will help you celebrate yourself that aren't at all about the consecutive days off from drinking alcohol. I don't believe in roadmaps or timelines. I believe your process is all that matters.

  You owning your process really matters. The time that it takes you and not pushing up against that by saying, Hmm, somebody else Transcribed got this done faster, or they have it easier than me. It's so normal to compare ourselves to others, especially when it comes to something that we [00:02:00] truly desire having, but you're finding your way on your own.

  And that's what I did as well. That that is what got me to where I am today at 11 years alcohol free. So I don't want you to miss out on all the wins, the small ones, the big ones and everything in between. If you are somebody who compares yourself to others and thinks that they haven't spent as much time as you have being alcohol free, I just want you to know that it's okay to think this way.

  And I also have insight scoop into working with hundreds of women over the past six and a half years. And I can confidently say that most women do not wake up and all of a sudden quit drinking. It's a process for us all. When you can get to a point where you're actually giving your process the attention it deserves.

  the acceptance it deserves. Like, it doesn't matter what anybody else is doing. I can find inspiration there, but I am designing and tending to my own road to alcohol freedom. Then maybe you can ease up on yourself and not pressure yourself so much. That road [00:03:00] starts for most of us when we get that first hit that something is not right about our drinking.

  And I know so many women who had that first hit when they were younger in their 20s and continued to drink into their 50s and on up. I also know a lot of women who are like me that never even thought going alcohol free was an option for them. I continued to drink like a party girl into my forties because I thought that was what everyone did.

  I was never going to give up alcohol until the first hit I got at around 43, which was two years before I stopped drinking. When a family member standing in a bar in downtown Disney in Anaheim, California said the word alcoholic. It wasn't directed directly to me, but in a roundabout way. It was, and I got the message, and so I set out to challenge the idea that my drinking wasn't anything other than normal.

  It's just normal drinking. So the two years leading up to going alcohol free, I took a couple of breaks in January of 2012 and in January of 2013 [00:04:00] for those 31 days. And the reason why I did it was really to prove that I could do it, which then would give me proof that I didn't have to quit drinking. My mindset was definitely, if I can handle an entire month without drinking, I can drink.

  I'm okay. I'm not somebody who needs to stop drinking. And during those two years, not the breaks, but during that two year period, I was questioning my behaviors around alcohol and how my drinking was making me feel. I didn't feel well. I researched alcohol for the first time looking for answers to questions that weren't really serving me.

  But, you know, I was finding my way there. Literally, I was doing this research while drinking on the couch. I hear from a lot of women who are down about the progress that they are making and staying alcohol free because it's not consecutive days. These women are putting pressure on themselves to get it.

  it right and have perfect days off, which adds stress and worry and makes them feel like escaping it all by drinking. Cause that's what we [00:05:00] do. If you are an all or nothing thinker and you have worked hard your entire life to get things perfect and only when they are perfect, you can be happy and proud of yourself.

  I understand you, friend. I so understand you. I'm like this in areas of my life, or I don't know if I can say that I'm like that as much now in my personal life, but I am in my business. And I can say that I will never be happy if I'm striving for perfection because I'm the least perfect person I know and perfection just doesn't exist.

  What I know for sure is that if that type of thinking that all or nothing is you when it comes to going alcohol free, it's wearing you out. You can ease up and remind yourself you're human and freeing yourself from alcohol doesn't have anything to do with perfection. You can let it be your process and give that process a hug.

  I think that you can find a little less resistance in your day to day. At some point, [00:06:00] you're going to figure it out because you're not giving up. And when that time comes, you'll go all in on yourself and take alcohol off the table. Alcohol is the number one thing I have to be nothing with. I can't go back.

  But I didn't figure that out until I went through the first 90 ish days and I'll never forget writing about it in my journal and I'll never forget the conversation I had with my husband about how I felt at that point at the 90 day mark. And I said, I don't think I could ever go back, even though I had said to him, I'm not going to drink anymore.

  I went all in. I talk about it all the time. I went all in. Plan A. That was it. I was still negotiating with myself because it was part of my process. I'm going to own that. I sat down and I talked to my husband about it and I said, I don't think I could ever go back. And he agreed. And hearing that from him really hit home because in the beginning he told me, I don't think you need to quit drinking.

  But we saw the difference. And the reason why I can't go back, I can't say I won't because I can't predict the future, but in my heart and my soul and my mind, I can't go [00:07:00] back because I will be where I was when I started. And that's just not acceptable to me. If I could go back in time to when I got that first hit in that bar at downtown Disney, I would encourage myself during those two years of researching and taking breaks to be proud of myself for being aware that alcohol wasn't working and doing the research to learn more about my drinking and taking those breaks.

  But I didn't. I spent more time beating myself up and worried about what my future would be if I couldn't drink. So that is why I'm here with you today, to remind you this takes time, and to encourage you to be open to acknowledging the wins that have nothing to do with the consecutive days. Be willing to give yourself an at a girl for getting through stressful situations without drinking, that's progress.

  Or in the moments when you want to drink so badly and decide to, but you only have two glasses instead of the bottle, that's a win. I will say this with my private coaching, women will come to me and the first thing that I will share with them on that first session [00:08:00] is we're going to do this according to your plan, what works for you.

  And I can't tell you how many times I've seen women literally exhale. And I have felt it because it's like, It's not about not drinking, it's about creating a plan that works for you so you can maintain it if that's what you choose to do. And if I were to say, no, you just can't drink, that's never going to work.

  And so let yourself exhale when you realize, okay, drinking less, that's a win. Don't hold yourself back from acknowledging how much strength it takes to take one day off from drinking, how much strength it takes to only drink two glasses instead of how many you would normally drink or the bottle. You might have a certain number of day that you're focused on, like it has to be 30 days consecutive or 90 days or 200 days or 365 days.

  You cannot get to those days until you go through day 14 and 28. Don't hold yourself back from acknowledging those days, even if they're not consecutive. [00:09:00] Because holding yourself back, it's going to make you feel like you can't do it or like, what's the point? Check in with yourself daily and get focused on why you're doing this to begin with.

  What is your why power? Your why power? Trump's willpower. Why does that reason matter to you? If I can encourage you to do anything today, if you are feeling like you are in a place where you're not really sure, just grab a piece of paper or post it note and just write down that reason. Use the Daily Sobriety Toolkit.

  It's a freebie in my show notes that you can Download, there's audio sessions in there. There's a planner page where you can write it out every single day. You've got to keep this stuff top of mind. And then check in with your expectations. What are you expecting of yourself? Are you being too hard on yourself?

  You're human after all. I know, we're so hard on ourselves. Why is that? You're not going to get to where you want to be by forcing yourself. So check in with your expectations and get clear on like, what am I working towards? What is this progress that I want for myself? Next, reflect [00:10:00] on what your process is.

  What has gotten you to where you are today? The podcast, the quitlet books, having a community, having a coach, having a therapist, having tools in your toolbox that help you get through those moments in the evening, like switching out your nightly glass of alcohol to a N A option. All of those things, those are bringing you to where you want to be, whether it's not every single day of not drinking or not celebrate all of your wins.

  Go to the grocery store and you don't buy alcohol. Yay, me. Like, you walk out of that grocery store, yay, me. What about being kind to yourself every single day, reminding yourself out loud, this takes time. I'm finding my way. I will be more gentle with myself. Build yourself up during this transition to alcohol freedom because nothing positive comes from pressuring yourself to reach a perfect standard of not drinking because it simply does not [00:11:00] exist.

  Nothing positive comes from putting yourself down because you're not living up to someone else's progress or it's taking you too long or you think you should be. in a different place. Own your process. Cause that's the process that matters the most. It's going to be the thing that's going to help you.

  Don't rush it. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is living alcohol free. I'm really proud of you. I want to send you out with a big hug. Thank you for listening today. This episode was inspired by an email that I sent out to my email community last week. So if you want weekly support, join my email community list.

  It's in the show notes. If you want daily support, download the daily sobriety toolkit. For monthly ongoing support, check out team alcohol free. It's a wonderful place to be for women 35 and over. If you feel like you're alone in this, go on, get on in there. Cause you're not. And I'm there with you multiple times throughout the week.

  I love you so much. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. [00:12:00] Peace.

Want more? Check out these popular episodes:

Quitting or Continuing to Drink for Other People

Donna’s Story: From Party Girl to Sobriety

Reinventing Your Professional Identity with Dr. Carol Parker Walsh

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