Reclaim Self-Comfort From Alcohol
Are you ready to turn to yourself for comfort instead of alcohol?
If you're a midlife woman who is tired of turning to alcohol as a source of comfort and want to turn to yourself instead, this episode is for you!
Alcohol is often perceived as a source of comfort, especially for women in midlife facing next-level challenges and stressors.
Chardonnay was my friend and it wrapped me in comfort like a warm cozy blanket for years. However, this comfort was deceiving and over time, I realized that it was very temporary.
In this episode, I talk about the concept of self-comfort and how to reclaim it without relying on alcohol. I'll discuss how alcohol can seem like an easy escape but often leads to more discomfort in the long run.
I'll also share my personal experience of quitting drinking at 45 and how it's possible to find true comfort and relaxation without alcohol.
The key topics inside:
Understanding why midlife women often turn to alcohol for comfort
Signs that you may be using alcohol as a coping mechanism
The illusion of comfort that alcohol provides and why the “alcohol comfort zone” can lead to more dependency, shame, regret, and an unrealistic self-perception
Steps to reclaim self-comfort without drinking and create a new “genuine comfort zone”
The benefits of reclaiming self-comfort as the leading lady in your life
You are not alone if you are drinking for comfort. I'm with you.
I will never stop reminding you that you all you need to create a fulfilling life where you comfort yourself without drinking alcohol.
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The purpose of this episode is to help you create a new, genuine comfort zone that is available to you 24 7, no alcohol required. All that is required is you, my friend.
Hello! I'm Lori. I'm the midlife sobriety coach and creator of Team Alcohol-free a coaching community for women who are curious about and learning how to live without alcohol later in life. I started drinking at the age of 14 in 1982.
And I quit drinking at the age of 45 in 2013. I got to the point where I wasn't happy with drinking less and I wasn't happy with drinking more. And I am here to spread awareness of the option of living alcohol free later in life. It's an option for all, especially the mid-life gal who is tired of getting knocked down by alcohol. Wants to build herself up for a different experience, a new chapter as you get older.
If you're new to the podcast. Hello, my new friend. And if you're returning back to the podcast, I'm so thankful you are here. Thank you for coming back. Self comfort is a genuine [00:01:00] short term way to nurture yourself in moments of discomfort. The moments when you want to escape from feelings and emotions and all of your responsibilities and say F it I'm out. You deserve those moments and I'm here for them.
One of the best feelings I have at the end of my day, I'll just go into the room. My husband's out watching TV in the living room, go into my room about eight o'clock. Bring in my doggy, Frankie blue. I shut the door. And I do my skincare and I listened to either a podcast or some soft music, and I've been reading a lot lately.
So I get in bed really comfy cozy with Frankie and just like. Wow. No one's around. This is like genuine self comfort. I love it. I am here for it feeling comforted. Is so essential to your overall wellbeing. Being able to chill out, relax and feel all of the warm and fuzzies inside makes you feel like all is well I'm content.
Even when [00:02:00] life isn't. Well, alcohol is classified as a depressant because it slows down our brain changes the way we think and feel and do, but just a small amount in a short amount of time. For many women in midlife because we have next level challenges, responsibilities, and stressors. Alcohol comes in and it's like a friend who wraps us up in a blanket of comfort and reassures us that. All as well. Let your guard down. Exhale. You're okay. For now. We get proof even after one drinking experience, if it works for you, alcohol helps helps me feel comforted.
That's why many of us turn to alcohol again? And again? You may not have started out drinking for comfort or even realize that you are, but just like everything you're drinking can change some of the signs that you may be drinking alcohol to comfort yourself. Drinky to escape and block out unpleasant feelings and emotions. [00:03:00] Uh, you feel anxious throughout the day and you're looking forward to that nightly drink. That's where you can finally exhale. You are drinking as a reward to celebrate or bond with others.
That's very comforting, especially if you're someone like me who is socially anxious. I found a lot of comfort in drinking to be around other people, even my closest friends and family. You're drinking to sleep at night as a nighttime ritual. This is what I do now. And then you get to a point where you're having a hard time envisioning relaxation. Without drinking alcohol. I can say that I drank for all of those reasons and more, and I know plenty of midlife women who drink for the same reason.
So if this is your first time hearing, these are the signs or if you're like me and you don't really want to hear it. That's where I was. I'm proud of you for being here. I'm with you. There's no judgment here. And I'm also not sharing this with you to scare you into getting sober, because pick that doesn't work.
I'm sharing this with you. So [00:04:00] you can reclaim what is rightfully yours, self comfort. Without drinking alcohol.
It's time for the reclaiming, but first.
Alcohol helped me through some pretty tough times in my life. And I want to validate that and encourage you to validate that as well. If alcohol has helped you or is helping you, instead of saying. I shouldn't have to drink to be able to relax. I should be able to do this on my own. Let's validate it instead of pushing it away and then ask yourself. Isn't helping me, or isn't an illusion of comfort that I'm experiencing. You may be realizing that alcohol is adding more discomfort to your daily life.
Hence the reason you turn to alcohol to take it all away. Or you may be questioning if alcohol is a sustainable option. And providing you comfort and relaxation as you get older. This is exactly where I was when I was questioning my drinking for the two years leading up to when I quit during the last three years of my [00:05:00] drinking, I was drinking more because. I was really sad about losing my mom. I was grieving.
This is what I do to comfort myself. I drink. But during that time, I was also in peri-menopause. So adding alcohol to both grieving and peri-menopause for me, led to constantly needing. And wanting to check out to escape. I wanted a reprieve daily, but I wasn't drinking every day. I was drinking two to three times a week. But I thought about drinking every day. I looked forward to when I would drink again every day. And I started to feel the afterburn of alcohol for two days after drinking, I would get to Friday, sometimes Thursday. No he's Thursday.
That was like the. Friday was okay. I don't know why. Cause I was working. That was why I didn't want to wake up Friday morning with a hangover, but sometimes Thursday it was just like, okay, you could just have a little bit and I would do it because I did not want to wake up with a hangover on Friday morning. But I had that out on Friday. And I would get to that. [00:06:00] Thursday or Friday, whenever it was, I was going to take that first sip of alcohol and that first sip. I exhaled. All is better. Ish. Two glasses in all as well. Last glass, whether it be a bottle or more all is numb and then my sleep and the next day, and maybe the next day after that all is hell H E double L and calves.
I was adding discomfort for days. I came to realize. I have about one or two days during the week where I feel okay-ish. That wasn't enough for me. I couldn't sustain drinking less because I didn't want to, like I mentioned, in the beginning, drinking last night, tried this. If you haven't listened to the podcast before two years moderating. What I thought was moderating it really wasn't, um, placing rules on myself, restricting myself.
That was so, uh, deprivational to me. And so I really, really tried to drink less, but I wasn't happy. I didn't want to drink less. [00:07:00] And how I was drinking. I didn't feel like it was sustainable anymore because it got to the point where even two models in one setting. It wasn't enough.
And I kept thinking, what is that going to look like in five, 10 years when I'm 75, 3 bottles or bottles? Where's it going to stop? What is the end game? I didn't want happy moments anymore. I wanted a happy life, but did I need to quit drinking? I wasn't sure. I hadn't even cleaned. It seemed very drastic. And really F and hard drinking alcohol seems like the easiest scape in the moment.
I want to give it that or in those moments, you know where you say I'll just have one, one won't hurt. I'll get back on track tomorrow. I deserve a drink. I can't turn down to drink them. My BFF, Barb, she's going to be uncomfortable. I don't want to make Barbara uncomfortable and I don't think I need to quit drinking. My drinking.
Isn't that bad. We as midlife women can not kid ourselves about the slippery slope of alcohol anymore. [00:08:00] It's out there once you've heard it. You can't unhear it. And once you realize, you know, this is getting hard to sustain. As I get older, I'm not feeling the same. Your body is changing. Your mind is changing.
Your values are changing. What you define as comfort is changing for you. Then you've got that old friend alcohol and alcohol is in the picture. It's going to be an option. And it's not that bad is not a way to measure going alcohol free. We thought it was because we had a vision of somebody who needed to quit drinking.
That's not what it is anymore. Going alcohol free is really about prevention. For our mental and physical health sustaining mental and physical health. As we get older using our own capabilities to make these next chapters of life, a different experience, different experience, not the same old shit that alcohol provides. And prevention towards getting to a point where it's much more difficult to stop drinking.
And I thought I would never be at that point. I [00:09:00] really did for three decades. I thought I was a drinker. I'm drinking. Like everyone else. I drink. When I feel sad, I drink. When I feel happy, I drink to enhance. I drink to take away all of these things. That's normal. This is what everybody does.
I never thought that I would get to a point. Where I would. Be a woman. Who would give up alcohol? Cause I want to say who needed to give up alcohol or wanted to give up alcohol? I really wasn't sure if I needed to, or I knew that I didn't really want to, at the point I quit drinking, but. Am I a woman. Who shouldn't be drinking anymore. How's that going to look for me? How's that going to play out for me?
If you're in that point where it's getting really difficult and you realize you're getting really worried about you're scared because it is difficult to stop drinking.
You take some breaks. Or maybe you can't even get to a break period because there is a physical dependency. You can get help for yourself and change it around. It's never too late. What it takes to reclaim self comfort from [00:10:00] alcohol happens in every moment. Of discomfort in wanting to say, fuck it, wanting to escape without drinking the compound effect of those moments.
When you want to drink your face off and you don't drink. R what is giving you the chance to provide genuine comfort to yourself that doesn't leave you feeling depleted from alcohol.
Alcohol is one fleeting option.
And it keeps you in a comfort zone of familiarity. It's temporary. It wears off and can wear you down in the process. It doesn't just take away the discomfort we have to realize as it takes away your right to experience joy and resiliency and being a human who feels and thinks and acts on her own. I'm pretty sure that's what we're supposed to be doing.
Right. If you can stop at one and feel content, but you're, aren't sure if you want to keep drinking. You don't have to, if you want to stop at one and you can't because you believe more is better like myself. Hey, if one glass gives me comfort. Just one or [00:11:00] two or three going to do. I want to be. Exactly where I was checked out.
And, um, you do not have to stay. In that comfort zone anymore. It's bullshit.
In that comfort zone of alcohol, where you find those moments of reprieve and exhaling. Can come dependency on alcohol more and more. In that comfort zone of alcohol you experience. Shame. Regret. Mean girl self-talk isolation, low self-worth guilt, false hope, false confidence. An FDIC filter. Of self perception is what it leads you with.
Cause I was there and stayed in that comfort zone. Will have you thinking you can't relax or feel calm or be sad or lonely or socialize or have fun without alcohol? Alcohol becomes associated with everything you do. Yes, I was right there. This is why we have a hard time giving it up. It's alcohol. It's not you.
I'm not mad at alcohol. I am not on this platform saying boop to alcohol. [00:12:00] I let other people do that. This is what I'm here for. I'm passionate about helping you realize you can live life without it, because the ultimate goal of giving up alcohol, isn't just about sobriety. It's about freedom, freedom from relying on alcohol to do things that you can do for yourself. I never thought I could do life without drinking because.
I drank, like I said, for so many different reasons, but anxiety was one of those things. Uh, definitely stress, relaxation, bonding with people. What would my life look like without alcohol? How would I relax? How would I calm myself down? How would I tame the red hives on my neck? When I got anxious?
Because alcohol took those away pretty quick. I got to this point where. I didn't know how he's going to live without it, but I also had this vision at being at the end of my life and hearing God say, You know, You could have figured that out. You could have been more confident. He could have helped others do this.
You could have calmed yourself down. Without [00:13:00] drinking alcohol. He could have done that and had your own back all along. And you would have experienced everything I've experienced in the past 11 years of sobriety, you would have been kinder to yourself. You would have learned how to discipline and hold yourself accountable. I never thought I would be able to do that. And I would say, oh gosh, I don't wanna say the F word to God, but look, man, can I have a do over? No. Sorry, Lori, you can't have a do over. Hmm. That's where it gets me.
And then also thinking back to when I started at the age of 14, I never gave myself an opportunity to know myself on my own. And I am still learning parts of that myself. And I'm still learning how to comfort myself without drinking alcohol. I don't want you to get to that point. At the end of your life. Where you're hearing whatever voice or you're saying to yourself.
I think you could have done things differently. Without drinking alcohol. After I quit drinking, I was faced with the [00:14:00] real, real, real reality of feeling pain and discomfort, feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin.
I didn't know, pain on that level. Because of my drinking. I was out there shivering without my Chardonnay blanket. Now, what do I do? Well, Laurie, you turn away from alcohol and you turn towards yourself for support. You get to learn how to have your own back now. Hmm. Yeah, let's see how that goes. I'd interest myself.
I didn't have confidence in myself that I was going to be able to do this. And I was going to have the life that I had while drinking alcohol. And I was right. I didn't think that I could do it. And I definitely ended up with a life that I didn't have all drinking alcohol and I practice a lot of gratitude around that. I had so many days in that first year, especially where I would say to myself, you can't do it all day long.
Today's the day you go back to drinking, you can't handle it. But I kept going because I learned how to pay more attention to the reality of my drinking [00:15:00] than I did to the illusion of alcohol. Whenever I was starting to give myself an out. Maybe you can drink like a normal person or what if you just had one, maybe you didn't need to quit drinking.
Cause now you seem okay. I was honest with myself and I said out loud, You don't want one? What is the point? You can't take the first sip because we know how that plays out. It didn't work anymore. I was drinking too much. My tolerance was high. It just wasn't hitting the same.
I would say to myself, stop it. Stop it. I love you. Stop it.
You my friend. Have a very strong. 24 7 support system. Once you turn to yourself and you welcome in a genuine zone of comfort. That only you can provide alcohol can not touch it.
In this comfort zone, you were the leading lady, no longer a CoStar to alcohol in this comfort zone. You welcome all feelings. You give two middle fingers to the idea that alcohol has anything to do with changing or making [00:16:00] these feelings better. It can be painful in the zone.
What you're going to figure out how to work through it, not drink through it. Cause you're reconnecting with yourself. You're asking yourself for help. And you're asking others for help. Yep. This is the zone. It's all about giving yourself support and having the support that you deserve.
You're going to do whatever it takes. You redefined comfort and you find out what truly brings you comfort from a bowl of ice cream, to a conversation with a trusted level on we're having a conversation in your journal where you just sit down and you write pages of what you're thinking and how you feel, and you close that journal and you exhale just like you did after that first sip of alcohol, you find comfort in going to bed at three o'clock in the afternoon to snuggling up on your couch with your favorite soft blanket or your dog or your kitty in. A rerun of your favorite feel-good show. Right now side note, I've watching parks and rec. It brings me so much comfort and joy and I just LOL, I love it so much. In your [00:17:00] new comfort zone. You welcome time. With open arms. You let it work for you. Without rushing or hurrying things up or telling yourself you should be further along. All that BS.
We want to say, because we want to go back to drinking alcohol. You give it a big hug because time will give you the opportunity to learn how to be more patient with yourself. To not give into the quick gratification of alcohol, but to give yourself the gift of long-term gratification. To pause before reacting. By pouring yourself a glass to have a better conversation. Where you talk to yourself with honesty and compassion. In the zone, you read more than the benefits of better sleep and moods and no hangovers, which are all great perks of not drinking you experience what it's like to fully trust yourself and hold yourself accountable and stop doing shit.
You don't like to do like happy hour after work, because you realize. After he stopped drinking. He don't enjoy going to happy hour. You'd rather meet for coffee in the morning. What a realization in the genuine zone you have aha [00:18:00] moments. You have found that joining a support group, one that you never thought you would, or a local meetup or reaching out to old friends, you haven't talked to because of your drinking. You feel less alone? You go to these meetups and you think, oh my gosh, I'm driving at night.
How did this happen? You experience getting excited and looking forward to things that are not. Alcohol-related you vacation, you bond with friends. You'd meet new friends who don't drink. You do absolutely nothing. And you have fun doing it. Cause you're not blocking it out. You're being with yourself and you're experiencing. The joy. Of comforting and nurturing yourself. . You get to experience you and you not, you versus you anymore, you realize that you aren't who you thought you were. And all of the moments where you told yourself you needed to drink are stacking up in your favor. Because these now have become the reasons you don't want to drink. You have bad days, you have really bad days and lots of good days. Because you're human.
Can you don't drink? [00:19:00] You discover just how capable you are of self-acceptance and love and care. And then knowing that you could find balance in your life and peace and stillness and contentment. All on your own. In your new comfort zone. It's genuine. You're proud of yourself. You're meeting a new version of yourself and you're writing a new chapter in a book that you may have closed because you thought it was too late to change your drinking or why bother.
It's too hard. It's too hard for me. You're giving yourself one more chance to do hard shit and prove to yourself you can cause you've done it before. You're going to do it again. And now you are,
this is the comfort zone you deserve. And I'm going to keep reminding you of this. You do not deserve to check out. You deserve to check in. If you don't believe that you can cover yourself in these moments. Give yourself a break from drinking alcohol. Give yourself a chance to distance yourself from alcohol because of the alcohols in the picture.
It's going to be a distorted reality. You are going to be blurred out. You're going to be in the background. You're not the co-star in your [00:20:00] life. You are the leading lady. And when alcohol comes on, it's like a filter that says all as well, life is good. Rainbows and butterflies are dancing around.
You are looking forward to the next day and getting back on track and changing all of the things about your life. And just for right now, I just want to check out, once you check in, you set through the discomfort you get through those painful moments, you're going to get to the other side of needing alcohol. And you're going to have, a real filter of what is happening in your life.
And that's one of the best places you can be in is to pause and ask yourself in those moments, when you want to reach for a drink, what really is happening right now? What can I do for myself right now? Because I'm going to stand up and say BS to alcohol. It's not working for me anymore. I don't feel aligned with what I want to do in life.
I don't feel aligned with my heart and soul and where it is calling me. But alcohol has been that friend. It's been that writer diet was for me too. It's been that ritual. We can change those rituals and create all kinds of [00:21:00] different things. Because again, alcohol is that one option. You have so many more options in ya. And I'm with you. If you are worried about your drinking and quitting alcohol and your own due to dependency. And you have a physical dependency to it. Please reach out to your doctor, ask a friend or a family member to help you get to the doctor. If you don't think you will get there on your own.
I know that it's hard asking for help. I didn't do it. So it's kind of like, I'm encouraging you to do it. , just because I've worked with so many women over almost seven years of coaching. And I realized that. Especially in midlife with women, we're holding ourselves back. Because there is so much shame about it.
I was so embarrassed, not because of my drinking, but because I felt like I had to quit drinking. I was so embarrassed about that. And I went out on my own and you can do it. I did it. I mean, I couldn't tell you, they can't. I did it.
but it's very scary to go cold Turkey. You don't want to do because you are risking, So much in doing that with your health and yeah, I just want to encourage you to get help [00:22:00] to surround yourself with people who are living this lifestyle.
Keep coming back to the podcast, look on social media. If you're tired of going in alone and you want resources and support curated for midlife women, I'm going to invite you to join the team team alcohol free. It is a small group of midlife and beyond gals. We're growing more and more into what I needed when I stopped drinking,
I am there with you throughout the week during online meetings and in our daily private feed, you have a chat option with me.
There's much word too. This community. And just joining a program. It's not just another program. It is a mission and it's great to be around women who provide so much support and you learn so much from, and, uh, there's some kick-ass women in this group. And. I'm super proud of it. I really am.
You don't have to do this alone. And if you're not at that point of joining anything or reaching out for help, if you want, you can email me at hello Laureate, Laurie Dot com [00:23:00] it's always in the show notes. I will respond to you within 24 hours. Most of the time sooner, I really do care about you.
I am with you 100%. I'll see you next week. Be gentle with yourself this week. And if you try some new techniques to comforting yourself without drinking alcohol, or have you got some that work for you? Send me an email. Also. I love hearing from you. Peace.
Want more? Check out these popular episodes:
The Hardest Part of Getting Sober
The Bright Side of Going Alcohol-Free in Midlife
Transitioning to an Alcohol-Free Lifestyle: What it Does and Doesn't Take
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