5 Practical Tips to Help You Stop Drinking in Midlife and Beyond

[00:00:00] Hey there, I am Lori and I'm so happy that you're here. If this is your first time listening to and beyond, welcome my new friend. And if you're returning back to the To 50 and Beyond podcast, thank you so much for coming back. I'm giving you a big virtual hug. I'm the midlife sobriety coach and founder of team alcohol free and online self-improvement community for women 35 and over.

[00:00:22] Inside TAF, you will find weekly meetings, workshops, resources, a 30 day challenge, and the number one tool any gal needs for her alcohol free toolbox later in life. Women just like her working on making the best experience out of living alcohol free. Because if we're gonna do it, let's make it the best experience of our lives.

[00:00:42] If you'd like to learn more and join the team today, we would love to have you. We'll welcome you with open arms. Start attending meetings. Get on in there. Such a fun and supportive group of gals. TAF link is linked in this episode's description. Today's the second episode in the essential series, your guide to living alcohol free [00:01:00] and midlife and beyond.

[00:01:01] This is a six week podcast series to help you create a foundation for your alcohol free lifestyle. You will find the past episodes linked below in the show notes, and also I have a 250 Beyond email community, which makes it really easy for you to get the episodes the day before they air. Write in your inbox so you don't have to remember to come back to the podcast app.

[00:01:21] Sign up for that below in the show notes as well. Today I want to talk about five practical tips to help you stop drinking in midlife and beyond because I feel like they are essential to creating that foundation. The five tips I have for you are number one, focus on plan A. Number two, write your intention to not drink down daily.

[00:01:40] Number three, know your drinking window. Number four, document your day. Number five, reward yourself by celebrating yourself. And I have a bonus tip that will send you off with an action step that makes you feel loved, and supported, and safe by your number [00:02:00] one in your life, you. My mission in this episode is to help you find more practicality so you can move forward really towards where you want to be without drinking.

[00:02:09] This is the midlife version of Practical Tips. I'm not here to blow smoke up your booty. I'm here to help you, guide you, Be your friend that gives you that gentle but firm nudge, just a little nudge forward to where you want to be. As I've gotten older, practicality and simplicity is essential in my life.

[00:02:29] My motto with everything is less is more and let it be simple. I say that multiple times throughout the day. If I'm stuck in something, it's like, let it be simple, Lori, how can you let it be simple? And then I got to just take a pause. And do something normally I put my music in my ears and cut a rug, but I got to come back to it because it can get just so overwhelming for me and my post menopausal brain, gosh, practicality is how I approached getting sober.

[00:02:56] I didn't have an overloaded toolbox. I went with the practical [00:03:00] solutions that really worked for me and that have stuck with me almost 10 years later. But we all have different approaches and there are so many out there and I think it's based off of your personality and what works for you. What I want you to do is to really, like I said, move forward and not be stuck in, Oh my gosh, I've got to do so many different things to get and stay sober.

[00:03:22] I want to really break this down into more simple action steps for you. And also practicality, it's subjective, just like everything else, not easy. But we can make it simple. I believe in you. I believe in the reason why you are here and that matters to you. I believe in your choice to stop drinking and I believe in your capability to honor that choice.

[00:03:43] If you are somebody who is concerned about what not drinking is going to do for your health, please reach out and talk to a medical professional or a trusted friend who can get you some help. To stop drinking is a gradual process. It's a transition to an alcohol free lifestyle where you really [00:04:00] are able to curate and create and build and cultivate, all the C words, new ways to manage your life without drinking.

[00:04:07] It takes time. There's no one size fits all approach. Find an approach that works for you and let it work for you. Time is your best friend. Let's embrace it. Let's not fight it. So the first tip I have for you today is number one, focus on plan A. Plan A stands for all in. It is the process of living alcohol free, the daily action steps that you take every single day.

[00:04:33] You're choosing not to drink. You're figuring it out as you go. And then alcohol free lifestyle is one that supports autonomy, personal growth, and an elevated sense of being yourself. It's a badass choice that you are choosing this plan. It's to better yourself and your daily experiences. Planning is your number one priority.

[00:04:53] There's not a lot else that can come before that. It is a plan, meaning you know what to focus on and what not to focus on. This [00:05:00] plan includes seeking medical help, like I talked about, getting connected to others who are working on being alcohol free, going to meetings, showing up in online communities, and giving yourself an infinite amount of time and grace to practice and learn how to manage life without drinking through those small daily action steps, which gives you That you can be free from alcohol and also enjoy yourself along the way.

[00:05:24] Plan A is essential if you know in your heart and soul that your drinking is not going to improve or improve your life going forward. Go all in. I'm all for Plan B. I like a good backup plan. But when it comes to drinking and not drinking, plan B is back and forth. That's what it stands for. For me, it was the back and forth.

[00:05:44] It was the same old BS. There's another B. Plan B is a priority, but it's not number one. It's that plan where it's like, it's an option. And it focuses mainly on all the things that you think you need to do to stay sober on your own, [00:06:00] but aren't really helping you at all, which can lead to frustration that it's just not working.

[00:06:05] This is never going to work for me, and after a fixed amount of time, it'll lead you back to drinking and telling yourself, you know, it's just me. I can't do it. I can't be free from alcohol. I don't find any joy in it. There's no shame in plan B. Going back and forth. When you go back, you are not starting over.

[00:06:23] You are committing to restarting, hitting the reset button. I don't know how many things I have to restart in my life, it seems like, but my goodness. When you're hitting that reset button, you're showing up for yourself. And that's one of the hardest things that we have to do in life. There are so many people in this world that have had so many starts and stops who are sober today.

[00:06:43] Don't knock yourself down for them back and forth. It takes guts to restart. There's something burning inside of your heart and your soul that keeps bringing you back. Focus on that Y power because that is your reason why you're going back. And that matters. My number one thing that I [00:07:00] did when I quit drinking, I took alcohol off the table.

[00:07:03] I didn't trust myself to do this. I doubted that I could do it and I did it anyway because the option of plan B was breaking me down. Let me give you another snapshot of how these two plans differ. The mindset of plan B is, I'm trying not to drink. The mindset of plan A is, I don't drink. Plan A says you will experience hard days.

[00:07:27] Life happens, whether you're drinking or not, expect these days and plan around them. Alcohol is off the table, making it hard to access. Plan B says... You can stop drinking, but if life happens, you can pick it up again. Don't expect challenges or hard days without drinking. It's easy breezy. Alcohol is lingering on the table and accessible at any time.

[00:07:50] Plan A, build your confidence and trust in yourself every time you encounter a hard day or challenge and do something the opposite of drinking to help yourself through. [00:08:00] Plan B builds you up on the days you don't drink and knocks you down 10 pegs lower each time you do drink through self berating and regret.

[00:08:08] Plan A gives you time to become your number one support system by stepping into that main character role you were born to play. Plan B gives you a limited amount of time to experience your main character energy. You like it, but alcohol always loves to come back in and steal that role right out from under you.

[00:08:26] One more. Plan A supports why you don't want to drink, and Plan B supports why you do. Plan A is what you deserve, my friend. If you don't believe that, that's just Plan B talking to you. From here on out, we focus on Plan A. Number two tip, write your intention down daily. Out of sight, out of mind. Grab the post it notes, get the colorful ones, get the pink, the blue, the purple, and keep one in your car with the reason why you're choosing not to drink today.

[00:08:54] Keep one on your person, in your purse, your wallet, your fanny pack, whatever you got. Put it [00:09:00] in your bathroom, on your mirror, your kitchen. Your alcohol stash cabinet, and every single day, write down, Today I choose not to drink because, and fill in that Y power, that reason why you are choosing to be alcohol free today.

[00:09:15] Your reason why you don't want to drink matters to you. I know that that's why you're here every single day Write it down in the morning. Write it down midday. Write it down in the evening whenever you are feeling like I'm feeling a little bit shaky. Wait, what is that reason why that tomorrow morning? I want to wake up and be really proud of myself for not drinking today.

[00:09:33] It matters than any sip of alcohol Number three tip know your drinking window And your drinking window is the time of day you would normally start drinking. It could be the time of day you start thinking about drinking. So it's open. Acknowledge it. Pay attention to it. And then when it shuts is the time of day that you normally stop drinking.

[00:09:54] So I always had like, especially on Sundays, cause towards the end, that was my biggest drinking day. It would be like, okay, I [00:10:00] start thinking about it in the morning because, you know, brunch. Then it would be like, okay, midday, I had, it was so strategic, just thinking about this exhausts me. I was so strategic in how much I was drinking and I would get so sad towards the end of that drinking window because I knew I got to be up Monday morning.

[00:10:17] I got to cut it off at five and I knew if I was still drinking at seven, there is no way I'm going to be able to function tomorrow morning. And that happened multiple times. So I would say around five o'clock would be like that time that I would want to cut it off, but by seven o'clock, definitely I would cut it off.

[00:10:35] And I know that this isn't easy because a lot of people have a drinking window that seems to last all day long. But you know what you can do is just really pay attention to it and know that when this drinking window comes up, this is what I'm going to do. And grab your post its again, because as I mentioned in the last episode, we got to do the opposite of what you would normally do.

[00:10:57] Grab your post it and write down one [00:11:00] thing that you will do today when that window opens. And then if that's not helpful, grab another Post it and say, what else can I do? And just write it out. Just let your mind just dump it out on that little small square of paper. And see what happens, because honestly, when you do something different, you never know if that is going to help you or not.

[00:11:21] It's all about trial and error. So, some examples that have helped my clients go somewhere that you would not typically go at that time of day, like the gym. If you're a gym goer in the morning, maybe switch up your routine to the afternoon. If that's when that drinking window is like, it's really open, go to a library, go to a movie, or call a friend, or do something crafty.

[00:11:41] I will have some more ideas in next week's episode, episode 256, Five Essential Ways to Help You Manage Your Drinking Thoughts and Urges Without Drinking. But if you can get in the habit of really paying close attention to, this is the time of day where I would normally start to think about drinking or I would pour a [00:12:00] glass.

[00:12:00] What is that plan that I can do for myself? And you could start doing that in the morning, creating that plan, because once you add that structure to your day, you can ease your mind knowing, okay, when this comes up, the windows open, this is what I'm going to do. Number four tip, document your day. Don't drink, document.

[00:12:18] This is a great tool to use during your drinking window. I've talked about my sober journal and how helpful it was, and it is to me today at nine years sober, the reminders of the struggles and the pain that that gal was experiencing back then instantly makes me feel for her, love her so much for getting through it, and then remind myself, man, you can do anything.

[00:12:40] You're a badass, just like you, you are a badass. Document your journey for your future self, so you can go back and go, wow. I am so proud of you. In hindsight, I wish I would have documented with photos, my favorite tools and books or inspirations and a selfie each month. Definitely. This could be a [00:13:00] great project for you.

[00:13:00] You could grab a journal. I have like watercolor sketchbooks where you can just paste things down and start collaging like some visions for yourself going forward. And then also that selfie, like just tracking a selfie. You don't have to print it out, but keep it on your phone in like a separate folder so you can see your progress.

[00:13:19] If you're not keen on the idea of creating a journal practice or a vision board, that's okay. Do it anyway. And remember, I'm the friend that's gonna nudge you, okay? Change it up a little bit. And you can call it something else. It could be like, this is my proof. This is my proof. My proof practice. Or my progress tracker.

[00:13:35] Or, this is my story. This is you writing your story. The best quit lit book out there. Find the practicality here. It could just be, these are my notes. I'm taking notes of my experience here. Whatever you call it, write down what you're experiencing daily, your thoughts, your feelings, and track what is helping you to not drink.

[00:13:55] Documenting your day can be really simple. Open up your journal, grab a notebook, [00:14:00] open up your phone's note app, write it down. And the purpose of documenting your day is so you don't forget how you got through those hard days. The tools that helped you so you can go back and read it because that is your proof.

[00:14:12] When you have another challenging day in the future, you go back, go, Okay, this is how I got through it. I did get through it. That's a great reminder. And also you can document number five's tip, Reward yourself by celebrating yourself. The best motivator and shot of dopamine you can give yourself is self pride, and if you're looking for motivation, you are the one that is going to motivate yourself to keep going.

[00:14:34] If you're not used to cheering for yourself, it's okay. Now is the time to do the opposite and give yourself a yay me every time you do something that detours a drink, and then write about it, document it. That is you tracking your progress. Here are a few examples. I thought about drinking today and I did the opposite of what I would normally do.

[00:14:53] I called a friend, talked through my thoughts and feelings with them, and it helped me stay alcohol free one [00:15:00] more day. Yay me. Another one, I said no to Sunday dinner at Aunt Sally's as a way to protect myself, not test myself. And by saying no, I was able to relieve my stress and enjoy my weekend. Ah, I feel that one.

[00:15:14] Yay me. One more, last one. I started writing my Y power down on a post it note daily and sticking it on my bathroom mirror. I love seeing all of my different reasons why and every time I wash my hands I repeat one of my reasons why I don't want to drink ten times and it helps me focus on plan A, which feels so free.

[00:15:35] I mean, yeah, you. Isn't that fantastic? If you do feel a little silly cheering for yourself, you're gonna feel even sillier now with this bonus tip. Give yourself a hug. And say one kind thing to yourself, you feel silly, it sounds corny, let's get silly, let's get corny. I want you to do this today. You can do it right now.

[00:15:54] I'll do it. I'm hugging myself so my hands automatically went behind my [00:16:00] shoulders or like on my shoulder blades. And don't do this if you're driving. Don't do it if you're driving. But you know what? I like to do this. I'm letting you in on all my insider secrets. Actually, I think I've told you this before.

[00:16:11] I do it in the shower sometimes, but if you get in the habit of doing it during those hard moments where you feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm not going to get through this. When you have that Thought that comes up about drinking when you need the love and support the most, give yourself a hug. Just wrap yourself.

[00:16:28] I'm rocking now. I'm holding myself like a baby and you wrap your arms around yourself and you show yourself some self compassion with some self compassionate sayings and some of my favorites. I am safe. I'm going to be okay. I'm worth hugging this moment out. I deserve patience with myself. I'm learning and growing through the discomfort.

[00:16:55] I am proud of myself. I am proud of you for showing up here [00:17:00] today. Add some practicality to this challenging but worth it alcohol free lifestyle you are creating. Keep it simple and see what happens. Go on the adventure of your life. Let's recap the five practical tips. Tip number one, focus on plan A.

[00:17:15] Plan A equals all in. I'm going all into an alcohol free lifestyle. You can do it. Number two, write your intention of why you choose not to drink today down daily. Stick it somewhere where you can see it. Number three, know what time your drinking window opens and closes so you can plan other activities inside that window.

[00:17:36] Number four, document your day. Give yourself proof. Maybe track by taking a daily selfie just to see how the glow up, you know, the kids call it the glow up, like the glow up. Ah, that's very motivating. Number five, reward yourself by celebrating yourself. Up next in the essential series is a bonus episode, how to challenge your drinking story for a fresh perspective.

[00:17:59] If you're going all [00:18:00] in, let's make it a much more enjoyable experience. Make sure to either subscribe to the podcast on your podcast app or sign up for the To 50 and Beyond email community. So you don't miss an episode. And if you are ready to plan, plan a joint TAF community today, there are planning sessions at the end of the month to help you get focused on what matters to you and meetings throughout the month to help you stay inspired and motivated to keep going.

[00:18:24] We all need support. We get you. We've got you joined today. Thanks again for listening today. I will see you very soon. Take care of yourself, my friend. Peace.[00:19:00] [00:20:00]