You're Sober! Now What?!

[00:00:00] Lori Massicot: Hey there I am Lori mascot and I am the host of two 50 and beyond if you're new here. Hello, my new friend, this podcast is all about finding joy and confidence in living alcohol free later in life. And if you're returning to the podcast, I'm so grateful to you for tuning in today. I have such a great episode coming your way.

[00:00:19] I am talking with lane Kennedy who is here for the second time and tomorrow Medford, about what is next, when you are sober. You know, you get to that date where you think, okay, this is the day I'm going to go all into sobriety and then you wake up the next day go, okay. Now what? This is, what we're talking about today.

[00:00:37] Lane is known as the modern day calm maker, AKA your calm coach. She has helped thousands of stressed out. People achieve a renewed sense of deep interconnectedness to bring a sense of fulfillment and peace into their. She has been a meditator for over two decades and teaches publicly and privately for government agencies and corporations in San Francisco [00:01:00] and abroad.

[00:01:01] And Tamar is a certified neuro change method. Master practitioner. She's the national director with life and balanced careers. She is an author and both lane and Tamar are the hosts of your sober. Now what podcast today, they are coming to you to talk about what to do on your first day of sobriety, how to continue to do the work in recovery, how to navigate life's challenges and forever thinking when you get sober and how important it is to connect to others and be part of a community and long term recovery.

[00:01:37] I know you're going to enjoy this episode so much, so let's get started. Hello lane and tomorrow. Hey, Lori. Hi, welcome to two 50 and beyond lane. You're coming back for the second time tomorrow. You are here for the first time and I am so pumped up for this conversation. So thank you for being here. Yes,

[00:01:58] Lane Kennedy: of course.

[00:01:58] So glad to be here. [00:02:00] It's good to

[00:02:00] Tamar Medford: be here again. Thanks for having me. Yay.

[00:02:04] Lori Massicot: Let's start off with. Your stories. And I know lane, you have shared this before, which I will have your episode. It was episode 180 5. How to practice mindfulness linked in the show notes. Of course you can go back, but lane start with your sobriety.

[00:02:19] Let's talk about where you were when the day you

[00:02:22] Lane Kennedy: quit drinking. The day that I quit. Well, it, I, it was an accident. I didn't know it was coming. I could go back to Thanksgiving. When I woke up after Thanksgiving and my house was a disaster and the Turkey was still in the oven and then taking a role of film and developing the film to see the series of events that occurred, which was not pleasant.

[00:02:50] And then from Thanksgiving to new year's I, you know, I didn't drink because I controlled it. I was like, okay. That was [00:03:00] really bad. So I controlled my drinking for those days. And then I was on a train, a ride back with my girlfriend's family on a deluxe, you know, train. And I thought I was going on the orient express.

[00:03:15] I tell you, I, it was a joke and it was like a car, you know, with bunk beds and having this Des I had to go drink. I had to get to the wine car, the, the drinking. And just every day it was, you know, three days of this, on a train and on the train you hear. So you, you get into this head space of like, oh my God, my life, this is it.

[00:03:41] I'm on a train. It's never gonna end. And we, we ended up getting to Boston. Everything was great. And then her parents didn't drink. And I was like, what is happening here? We're coming for Christmas and new. Year's like, this is insane. And. I went a couple of [00:04:00] days without drinking. And then we went to a big party, you know, Christmas Eve and the woman handed me a half a glass of wine.

[00:04:07] I was like, thank God. And I don't like white wine, Lori. I can't stand it, but I drank it down. And like I had a sip and I put it down and that low and behold was my last drink. And that was December. Was that the 20 Christmas around Christmas. So my official date I go by is December 31st, 1996. Mm-hmm . I have not had a drink and I've had continuous sobriety and I haven't had a Snickers bar or any mine altering substances, including white powders since then.

[00:04:48] Wow.

[00:04:49] Lori Massicot: Congratulations. I don't know if you shared that Thanksgiving story when you were here the last time. Was it a Turkey and the oven still on? Oh,

[00:04:59] Lane Kennedy: I [00:05:00] don't. Someone else turned it off. Okay. But the Turkey was still in the oven. I had taken a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and BA based it, like, I thought that was the way it was going to lock in the flavor.

[00:05:12] Mm-hmm so I had the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting out on the counter. And then I have pictures of me pouring. the Jack Daniels onto the Turkey. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking clearly .

[00:05:29] Lori Massicot: Yeah. And I, you know, after all these years, it's something to laugh about. I may not laugh about, but you can laugh at it.

[00:05:35] Right. You can laugh at the situation. Yeah. Yes. And having to develop the photos. Like, I, I hadn't had to do that, but I, when I did develop the photos, I'm like, I don't remember. Yeah, no that, I don't remember taking that. Like, I, I didn't do it just to remind myself, but, you know, in reflection it's like, oh yes, I do remember that feeling.

[00:05:55] Mm-hmm . How old were

[00:05:56] Lane Kennedy: you at that time? Late twenties. 27 [00:06:00] 28, somewhere in there. Mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah, I'm 50, 30. I think age is not my best. I, you know, in my mind I'm still 32, so yeah. I,

[00:06:13] Lori Massicot: I hear you. Congratulations. That's so awesome. Tamar, what about you? Yeah. What was that

[00:06:18] Tamar Medford: first day? Well, the first day I remember thinking, what am I doing?

[00:06:22] Like my life is over. And I actually hit that spiritual bottom about six months earlier. I remember just, you know, I was really overweight financially, bankrupt, spiritually bankrupt, and unhappily married. And I was actually sitting on the floor with a bottle of pills and I just thought I can't do this anymore.

[00:06:42] I mean, I keep. The stories were just, you know, it was, everything was so overdone and I was tired of hurting the people that I cared about. And so I just remember in that moment, sitting on the floor, just kind of praying that was the first time, because I wasn't, you know, I didn't grow up religious or anything.

[00:06:57] And I just said, you know, God, please [00:07:00] help me. And I had this, you know, divine, interventional I'll call it in that moment where I was like, okay, you need to do something like you're here for a reason. And I didn't know what that looked like. And I really thought in that moment, Okay. Well, if I fix the way I look on the outside, it's gonna heal how I feel on the inside, because I had struggled with depression and anxiety.

[00:07:20] I'd been medicated for it in the past. Of course, alcohol did not help that. But I then kind of sought out on this journey to get in shape. And I hired a personal trainer and little did I know is that trainer was actually sober. And so of course, throughout our next six month journey, I had to log everything, track everything.

[00:07:39] Of course, I went from one addiction to another. I went full on into fi, uh, seven days a week, eating chicken, broccoli and rice every single day. But when it came to my alcohol consumption, I would actually. Like I'd lower it and have half a bottle of NyQuil at night after having three beers to fall asleep.

[00:07:58] right. Because I figured, well, if I [00:08:00] can make myself pass out, you know, I'm winning. And I would always share that, you know, on Mondays I'd be like, I only had nine drinks this weekend and she knew, and she had actually planted the seeds in June of 2012. I had gone away with my husband at the time and I thought I'm gonna have one bottle of wine.

[00:08:19] That's. And so I brought that with me. And that first day I had the bottle of wine in an hour. We had a case of beer, ran a $200 bar tab and the whole weekend was a blackout. And I remember coming out of it that Sunday. And I just, I texted that my trainer and I said, okay, I think I need some help. And you know, I remember going into recovery thinking, what am I gonna do?

[00:08:41] you know, because I, I didn't, I had had two decades over two decades of, of drinking and other mind altering substances. And I just wasn't sure how I was gonna live life anymore. Like I, a lot, it wasn't fun anymore. You know, it was very fun in the beginning, but it just, it wasn't fun at that time. And you know, like the [00:09:00] pictures too, I look up, you know, I've deleted most of my pictures from Facebook now that.

[00:09:05] But I'll look at some of them I'm like, when did that happen? You know, I don't even remember. And it was scary because I just didn't know how to, I didn't know how to live. I didn't know how to feel my emotions. And I think that's ultimately why I started drinking in the first place. So yeah, that was kind of that first step into changing everything.

[00:09:23] Oh,

[00:09:23] Lori Massicot: congratulations. So did you just celebrate 10 years of sobriety? I did. Congratulations. That's so awesome. Tamar, how old were you when you started drinking? 14? Me. That's like the magic age. So many women have told me 14. I don't know why. It just felt like it was 14. I don't know. I just found a vibe lane.

[00:09:43] How old were you when you started drinking?

[00:09:46] Lane Kennedy: I think right around then too. Yeah. It it's a blur. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's. I can remember who I drank with. So I'm thinking I was a, a freshman in high [00:10:00] school. So 13, 14, right in.

[00:10:03] Lori Massicot: Interesting. Yeah. You can remember who you were drinking with. So then you could, you can identify which time that was for you in your life.

[00:10:10] Yeah, I get that as well. Mm-hmm okay. So let's talk about the, the day after really, when you, when you wake up, I remember thinking, you know, I was full on in to my sobriety. I went all in. I cannot drink again. I had tried, you know, for a couple of years, tried to make alcohol work. And so I just remember waking up that next day after I decided to quit drinking, thinking, well, shit, what do I do now?

[00:10:36] Literally, like, what do I do now? So I can feel it. I know you guys can feel it as well for anybody out there. Who's waking up to this, right. It could be, I hope really exciting. And it could also be very fearful. It could be very confusing. We can be all of those things and still stay sober. Right. What would you say to anyone who's waking up the day after making a decision in their [00:11:00] life to go alcohol free?

[00:11:01] What would you say is that first, that

[00:11:04] Lane Kennedy: first thing get help that they could do. Mm-hmm just get help. Like, this is something you don't go like on your own little magical tour. It's about saying I have a challenge and I can't handle it, control it, manage it and sign me up for help. I don't know tomorrow.

[00:11:22] What, what do you think

[00:11:25] Tamar Medford: same thing, right? Because we, I had tried to do it alone for so long and I could never sustain it right. As soon as I, yeah. I would do bets for a month long for a thousand dollars, but with the cheat days, of course, because there are special events in that time and. You know, that feel that overwhelming feeling.

[00:11:43] I of course go to like, I'm never gonna drink again forever. And I'm, I'm very fortunate, I think, because that seed was planted for me back in, you know, January of that year. So I had somebody there with me basically already saying, I can help you. [00:12:00] And I got a lot of guidance and I, I think had that not happened, I may not have stayed sober.

[00:12:05] I probably would not have made a decision to get sober right then. Yeah,

[00:12:09] Lane Kennedy: exactly. There's something about letting your, your doctor know, right? Like that you can start with calling your general practitioner, your, your main, you know, your main person, because most likely, I mean, I was lying to my doctor, you know, they, they knew that I had some serious issues, but I said, no, I'm not drinking.

[00:12:31] Are you kidding me? I maybe a glass of wine here and there, but I think that's a really great first step is admitting to your doctor. If you like them, if you have a good relationship with them, like that's a great resource and then they can help you get into a facility or a treatment or a 30 day program, or, you know, there's so many, many choices and ways to get sober today.

[00:12:56] So I, I think a doctor's a great place to start. [00:13:00] Yeah.

[00:13:00] Lori Massicot: And let's not discount the fact that just being real with yourself and getting to that point. Yeah, my goodness. It's so hard because like you just said you, I mean, honestly, when we say things, especially when it comes to our drinking, like, oh, I just had a couple of glasses.

[00:13:14] Like I coulda, I believed myself. Right, right. Like I was lying to myself for so long. I'd wake up the next day and go, oh, maybe I have more, but you know what? I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna go with two, cuz there's like, I would leave that much left and little, teeny, tiny bit in the bottle just to convince myself I didn't drink the whole damn thing.

[00:13:33] Mm-hmm , that's where I was. Yeah. Yeah. The convincing that we do with ourselves and just practicing that awareness that we're being like, okay, this is something that I need to, to get a handle on. Let's talk about that forever thinking, cuz I know that trip so many women up. What are some suggestions for you about the forever?

[00:13:57] Lane Kennedy: You want me to go? Okay. You have, I got me to [00:14:00] go on that one for,

[00:14:01] Lori Massicot: should have directed it lane. Go

[00:14:02] Lane Kennedy: for it. It's okay. I'm all about like organic, you know, conversation. Yeah. I, well, for me it wasn't, it wasn't a forever. It was, I need to clean up right now. This is, I am spending money, thousands of dollars. It was outta control and I wasn't happy.

[00:14:20] And I looked around at my friends and. They practically disappeared, you know, so it was very lonely. So I knew that I had to clean up right now. And what happened is that then it became, there was a message sent to me that you just, you know, it's just like today and tomorrow, like just try it today and then tomorrow.

[00:14:46] And so that made it really much more manageable than forever. Like, forget forever. Like just today. And tomorrow. Yeah. It's so it's

[00:14:55] Lori Massicot: so smart. Thank you for sharing that. I know that it's not easy to do that, but honestly we [00:15:00] have to remind ourselves that we're the only ones that can remind ourselves of that.

[00:15:03] Right? Yeah. Do you remember, was there a timeline where it kind of clicked for you? Like this is going to be the rest of my life or has it,

[00:15:11] Lane Kennedy: I think this happened like early, early, like three. made me my second year where I thought this is really good. Like, this is why would I go back? Like why torture myself?

[00:15:30] I was torturing myself, the mental, physical men, like all of it, spiritual torture. So it really became about like, let's just keep going. Let's see where this takes me. It became easy for me because I wanted, I wanted the life. Because I think alcohol free is it's a lifestyle. Yeah,

[00:15:54] Lori Massicot: absolutely. So you were saying that was about year two,

[00:15:58] Lane Kennedy: year two mm-hmm

[00:15:59] Cause that first [00:16:00] year it's just kind of like what's happening. What's going on? Like gimme the directions, you know, like I needed all the directions all the time, the reminders every day. what am I doing again? Like tell me somebody tell me, where am I going? Who am I talking to? Yeah, because I was just so literally I was out.

[00:16:19] Yeah.

[00:16:20] Lori Massicot: interesting. Tamar, do you wanna add

[00:16:22] Tamar Medford: anything there? Yeah, I think, you know, that first six months was really about just becoming aware of that. I truly had an issue with alcohol because I had convinced myself for so long. Like you mentioned, it's like, I, you know, when I had to fill out insurance forms and they asked how much you drank per week, I was like, oh no.

[00:16:42] So I think coming to terms with that reality in the first six months, having that spiritual awakening, which I had a very profound. I was on the pink cloud after that for a period of time. And I think for me during that second year, because I really dug in, I was desperate not to go back. And when I had actually written up my life [00:17:00] story, that was when I was like, wow.

[00:17:02] Okay. This is what a shit show. And, but when I got to in year two, actually experience life, not in terms of the, you know, happy, giddy, trying all these new things recently, single fun stuff, but actually digging into my work, more learning who I am developing a spiritual practice. Getting to experience the good and bad and being able to show those emotions.

[00:17:24] It was still hard in year two because, you know, I cried more in my first year, I think, than I ever had my whole entire life combined. But it was finally being able to experience everything regardless if it was good or bad, that's when things change. And that's when I'm like, I have to keep this. And it's just that, you know, one day at sometimes one hour at a time, at a time, right.

[00:17:45] It's like, okay, I'm feeling this, just go this one hour. And then it usually passes. . Mm, absolutely. It

[00:17:51] Lori Massicot: always passes. It's just, we're looking at it as well. We're looking at it forever. We're not realizing that it's just this moment that we really [00:18:00] have to be concerned with. Right? Yeah. Did you gals find any kind of resistance to the acceptance of this, you know, new identity?

[00:18:08] Did you feel like maybe an imposter and I'm a sober woman now, was there anything like that coming up for you that you were having an issue with accepting.

[00:18:20] Lane Kennedy: Lane not here. No, I was really fortunate in, and then I got involved with a bunch of people who were super stoked and excited about being in recovery.

[00:18:33] Yeah. And I became part of the cool club, honestly. It's like, I love that I am in on this one. And, and again, I had, I great people around me. Just go here and go here and do this and go bowling. Right? Like like I, so I, I didn't have that imposter syndrome of like, oh, sober. I, this is me. This is my life.

[00:18:59] Mm-hmm . [00:19:00] Mm. So good Tamar.

[00:19:02] Lori Massicot: Yeah.

[00:19:03] Tamar Medford: That's awesome. I had a very similar experience. And I also had some friends that, you know, I had been friends with since I was teenagers that like followed me through my, I don't know how they stuck by me, but I think they became my biggest cheerleaders in that moment. And they're like, they were so happy, you know, and I told them, all of them, you know, cried and said, we didn't know how to tell you.

[00:19:25] Like we you're just falling apart kind of thing. So I think I was very fortunate that I not only had that the group in, in sobriety to help me along, but also those people who were like, yes, you know, and they're still my biggest cheerleaders today. They follow me in my journey so that I think that made it a lot easier to not wanna revert back and not, you know, suffer from that imposter syndrome when it comes to my sobriety.

[00:19:48] Cuz I love this. yeah.

[00:19:51] Lori Massicot: Oh, I'm so happy for you. And we were talking about, you know, going back to like the next day, what, what is that first step is getting help? You know, there's a lot of [00:20:00] women out there who are very casual drinkers, right? Let's talk to, let's talk to them right now because you know, we're, we're at this point where so many people now are talking about sobriety, so openly and women are coming to terms with the fact there is another option.

[00:20:14] Right. There's another option. I don't have to go with the norms of our drinking culture and, and what I was brought up with. Right. What do those women do? Because you know, it's not like we go from, okay. There's only one option, right? For me when I quit drinking, I thought it's, it's AA. That's where I need to be.

[00:20:31] What do those women do? Who are casual drinkers, who are really having a hard time with sticky to no longer

[00:20:38] Lane Kennedy: drinking? I think there's so many choices, right? Laurie there's. So, you know, it's like Annie grace has put together an amazing program. People love her work if, you know, if, if she resonates, right.

[00:20:51] Mm-hmm, , there's a lot of people that just think she is amazing. I'm blanking on her name right now with [00:21:00] temp. The Tempest Hollywood occurs, Laura McAllen, Laura McCowen, right? Like there's a lot of these, all of a sudden these women who have popped up with like less than 10 years of sobriety who have become these leaders in the space and have said, you know, we are putting the stop sign up.

[00:21:18] We do not wanna be a part of a drinking culture. Which I think is freaking amazing. And so for women who are in the gray zone, who want to consider possibly, you know, I, I AA may not be for me, I'm not ready to make that deep of a commitment. Then check out these other people who have programs, who are, you know, again, the stop sign is up.

[00:21:42] I don't wanna do this. Right. Mm-hmm, become a part of a it's. It's really nice to have a community. You know, a collected group of people who have the same mindset, you know? So I'm the mindset of like, I'm all in not doing it. I don't wanna, I don't wanna [00:22:00] go down that path. You know, I don't want alcohol to be a part of my life because I know what, how destructive it is, but other people, you know, they can give and take, they can, you know, stop.

[00:22:13] then drink again and stop and drink again. That's not, that's not how I'm made up. Yeah. But everybody needs to find their way. Right?

[00:22:21] Lori Massicot: Exactly. And finding community. And this is gonna be a lead in to your community that you have talk about that

[00:22:29] Tamar Medford: tomorrow. Like community I'm big on community because like, you know, we said earlier, I don't, I, this journey isn't meant to be walked alone and there's such a power in being able to talk to other women.

[00:22:42] That can relate to what you're going through, because I think we many women that I talk to, whether they have issues with alcohol, drugs, food, there's so many things that we use to numb our emotions and not feeling the feelings and just being able to be more vulnerable and honest and open [00:23:00] about the journey that we're going through.

[00:23:01] I think that's where the community comes into play because there's that relatability. And you know, you start to have fun. You start to get hope again, cuz you listen to other people. That are doing these things that, you know, maybe you never thought you could do. Right. And so you're you become each other's biggest cheerleaders and I, I love.

[00:23:19] You know what lane and I have put together, you know, because she's got the, you know, 25 years, I have the 10, so we have different viewpoints. I'm still, I think very heavily into the early part of my journey, but giving women a safe space to be them right, to create the life that they want to create, to help them change their belief systems and the actions they take.

[00:23:42] And so they start to wake up every day, loving life like we do, and also being. Honest, but we're still doing the work, right. We're still walking this journey with them. And I think that allows them to come into that safe space. Mm-hmm

[00:23:56] Lori Massicot: mm-hmm . And so the name of your community is the now [00:24:00] what society

[00:24:01] Tamar Medford: mm-hmm yes.

[00:24:02] Lori Massicot: I love it so much. Your podcast is your sober now

[00:24:05] Lane Kennedy: what mm-hmm yeah. Yeah, because there's a lot of times it's, it's like women stop drinking you and it's like, oh, now what am I gonna do? What's going to. What am I gonna unfold? What am I gonna explore? What am I, how am I gonna live? Right. And

[00:24:23] Lori Massicot: there's

[00:24:23] Lane Kennedy: also a whole group of women who live in recovery, who live in sobriety, who reach these milestones of, you know, I'm five, I've five years into this.

[00:24:33] And I can't stand my life. I'm 10 years into this and I wanna kill myself. And I don't mean to scare anybody off. That's new in recovery, but life is. Life is life and it's just going to continue. So having the tools in the community, around you to support you through it is absolutely key. So you do not pick up a drink.

[00:24:55] Lori Massicot: yeah, life is happening, whether we're drinking or not. Yeah. That's what I've always said. And so when we're faced [00:25:00] with these life challenges, well, you know, it's really hard. I've had a stressful day or I'm grieving the loss of a parent or there's something going on in my life that I can't get control over my association to those emotions, those feelings, those thoughts that I have is to drink.

[00:25:14] Yeah. And there's just completely two separate things. 100%. Yeah. Mm-hmm yeah. How do you continue to do the. In long term recovery lane,

[00:25:28] Lane Kennedy: it's all spiritual for me. , it's all spiritual. I it's, you know, it's spiritual and it's service. It's being available to help others. My coaching practice, right. I'm invested in the women who I coach, but the deeper part is it is a spiritual. And I think, I don't know if I shared this last time, but when I was later in my recovery, I had my son late in life.

[00:25:57] And you know, that was an awakening [00:26:00] on so many fronts was not ready for that. And it tore me up and nobody was talking about like what happens in motherhood and sobriety. Nobody was talking about what happens to you as a woman when you get married in sobriety and how your identity change. And so I had to, you know, when I was feeling inner rage, I'd never experienced rage before I had to go inward.

[00:26:30] I had to really discover something, something else, because I knew that having rageful fits was getting me closer to drinking or getting locked up in a. And, and I knew that those were not options. So it became a spiritual journey and really continuing to study and creating the practice that I have today.

[00:26:54] Mm-hmm

[00:26:55] Lori Massicot: beautiful. Yeah. Tamara, what about you? How do you continue

[00:26:59] Tamar Medford: to do the work? [00:27:00] I think, you know, for me around that five, six year mark, I hit that complacency where I needed more. And that's, I think, you know, where really this whole thing has evolved with the year sober. Now, what is I needed to create a life beyond recovery, right.

[00:27:15] And I continue to do the work that I did in that first year. It looks a little bit different now because I think I'm able to go deeper. The more I'm able to be more honest about, you know, who I am, what I want in life. But it's continuing to keep that foundation very solid because I'm very aware that if I stop doing that, then I could very, you know, I've had that 10 years of continuous sobriety.

[00:27:38] Mm-hmm I could very easily go back also, just that awareness. When those other behaviors start to creep up because they do . I just experience it the last three weeks, you know, when it comes to sugar and food and stuff like that, but also doing more really asking myself, what do I want in life? Because I think a lot of, you know, women that I talk [00:28:00] to they're so stuck and, you know, like lane had mentioned, nobody talks about this stuff later on.

[00:28:06] We just do what society says you should get married. You should do all this. But people still feel so empty. Right. And so for me, it was really about what fills my cup, what gets me excited to go to bed at night, because I love going to bed early so I can actually wake up early and I'm self-employed now.

[00:28:24] So I don't have to wake up early, but. Continuing to add to my practice. And you know, what that looks like now is that meditation every single morning in that prayer, I'm spending time for myself. I'm learning how to let my day unfold rather than doing, because I do have that doing obsession for sure. So it's learning to slow down and just, I think being really self.

[00:28:48] Lori Massicot: mm I'm. With you tomorrow. That's exactly how I feel as well. And just really eliminating those shoulds, the older that I get, I'm very much challenging those things. Now. It's like, who says, who says you should [00:29:00] honestly like stop? Yeah. I think that there is that complacency and I've heard this and, and let me know your thoughts on this gals.

[00:29:06] When somebody will say, well, I've done the work. You know, I I've done the work. It's it's been eight weeks and I'm not putting anybody down. This is a, a fictional character. Okay. It's been eight weeks. I've done the work. I'm exhausted from it, but they wanna stay sober. What do we say to this gal?

[00:29:26] Tamar Medford: plain.

[00:29:29] Lane Kennedy: I I'm very familiar with her.

[00:29:32] Me too. I say, well, what are you gonna do? You know, you, you don't wanna do the work. So what do you wanna do? Like, I just, I give it back to them, right? Because we're, we're grown women, we're adults. Uh, so take responsibility, right? So how are you gonna take responsibility for your life? Because that's what this is like we need to, as women evolve that that's this game as a human is evolution.

[00:29:56] So how are you going to evolve without [00:30:00] substance abuse? how are you going to do that? You know, we live in a time and a culture where our society is so demanding of us. Right. It's everybody wants something. So how are you going to balance all of that? You know, and the work is never done. Right? Mm-hmm do you think I like, I have to get today.

[00:30:26] I got up at five 30, so I, so I could practice for an. before I got on here with you ladies. Mm-hmm , you know, cuz I know that that's gonna set my day. Right. And then I'm gonna have a great day with my son here on, you know, I'm on vacation. That's a part of my work and I love it. Mm-hmm so for that woman, who's like, oh I'm tired.

[00:30:46] And I just, I don't wanna work anymore. It's like, well then you need to find something that you do love. Mm-hmm something that's gonna fill your heart and spirit. So you, I. My practice.

[00:30:57] Lori Massicot: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. [00:31:00] Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm gonna, I'm going to ask tomorrow the same thing or maybe we'll go tomorrow.

[00:31:05] Like, what is the work. You know, because I feel like if we're doing work, that's not aligned to who we are and what we value and what we enjoy doing right then. Yes, it is work mm-hmm w E R K, right? Yeah. Okay. Tamar, what is the work? What, what is the work for the gal out there? And maybe I just answered that question, but I wanna hear your take on it.

[00:31:26] Tamar Medford: so this is exactly why we do what we do. Mm-hmm because you know that complacency that well, I don't I'm I'm done right. I've graduated from the program called recovery and life is gonna be happy from here on, in. You know, I can speak from my personal experience and, and what I teach now and what lane and I have put together is that really discovering what's important to you, what your purpose is, what your values are and understanding those and starting to do more.

[00:31:53] And this takes a lot of exploration starting to do more of what you love to do. Mm-hmm because, you know, [00:32:00] you can. You know, get a program from somebody and do what they do, but that doesn't mean you're gonna get what they've gotten. You have to make it your own. You have to do the things that you love. And so it's, you know, learning, okay, what lights you up?

[00:32:13] You know, what gets you excited? And I think that's just the first step. And really from there, it's changing that belief system because I. When I started this thing, I didn't believe that I could be an entrepreneur. I didn't believe that, you know, I could do a podcast cuz I am an introvert. I'm incredibly shy and I had to change that belief system.

[00:32:36] And I think that is where that community comes in again. Right. Is people that are your cheerleaders and can kind of be strong for you until you have the ability to do that yourself, but helping women shift your belief system. So you have to believe you. and, you know, from there, it, it can, it involves,

[00:32:54] Lori Massicot: yeah.

[00:32:54] I love that. It's true. You have to believe that there's there's hope in [00:33:00] other people have done it so you can do it as well. And then you find your way by proving to yourself. I am doing it. Mm-hmm I am doing it just today. Not, not next month. I'm doing it today. Cuz that's that's where I am. So lovely.

[00:33:13] Ladies. Talk about how gals can join you in the now what society.

[00:33:23] Lane Kennedy: Okay.

[00:33:26] Lori Massicot: you're sober actually listen to the show. I mean, you're sober now. What? Yeah. Yeah. The podcast. Let me start that over. Talk about your podcast. You're sober now.

[00:33:35] Lane Kennedy: What? Okay.

[00:33:37] Tamar Medford: Alright. Going now. Okay. You go. I

[00:33:42] Lane Kennedy: love. You're sober now, what, it's really fun conversations that tomorrow. And I have, and we also have guest speakers that come on and it's very casual, very candid conversations.

[00:33:55] I know a lot of people in the recovery space talk, they do stories, you know, they talk [00:34:00] about what it was like. And then there's people who have a lot of experts that come in, but there there's this missing hole of like, what's it really like, what's really going on. So that is our kind of sweet spot. It's like, okay, you're going through divorce.

[00:34:17] What are you gonna do about that? How are you gonna get through it? You have an, oh, you you'll like to eat chicken fingers every day. Right? What do you, what are you doing? So it's like, we're looking at and talking about these conversations truthfully with my perspective of 25 years. And tomorrow's at 10 of like, how are you gonna get through that?

[00:34:39] I don't know about anybody else, but I wanna stay in recovery and I wanna be happy and free right there. There's there's being in recovery, but then there's being happy and free. So that's, that's what we're doing on the podcast.

[00:34:55] Lori Massicot: Me too. I'm with you. I love it. I listened to your latest one yesterday. I think I'm about [00:35:00] halfway through, or maybe it wasn't your latest one about food and.

[00:35:03] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uhhuh. What is the title of that one? what is

[00:35:07] Tamar Medford: that tomorrow? You're emotionally eating now when, oh

[00:35:09] Lori Massicot: God. Yeah. You're we're emotionally eating now. What? Yeah, that's me. I like went right to the one like, oh yeah, I can, I can use that one. Yeah, it's awesome. I love a good candid conversation.

[00:35:20] And so talk about the, Now What Society. What do you do inside of the community there and how can women join?

[00:35:28] Tamar Medford: So you can go directly to our website. You're sober now, what, and in the society, it's really that safe space for women to be them. You know, we have videos for the podcast so they can actually see us.

[00:35:41] We've got a relapse prevention form, detox, meditation rooms, which are phenomenal. There's so many things and we have, you know, we're, we're going to be starting a book club soon. So we just want to find ways that women can engage and start to really have fun in their life. You know, where they're like, this is [00:36:00] amazing.

[00:36:00] We want it to be different. We don't want it to be like everything else out there because we do serve. A different niche. Mm-hmm we serve people. We want to help people keep this life, you know, to create that life so good. They never want to go back to their old way of living. Cuz that's what I wanted in life.

[00:36:16] I was like, I don't wanna relapse. Like I don't wanna go back there. And so whatever that looks like for women, you know, it doesn't have to be drugs, alcohol, but we wanna help them create that amazing life through practice and, and fun stuff.

[00:36:30] Lori Massicot: Awesome. What is it? Is it, uh, membership that. Enroll in, is

[00:36:35] it

[00:36:35] Lane Kennedy: monthly?

[00:36:37] So there's a membership and we also have a coaching program. There's a master class. There's, there's a lot of things going on inside there. It's there's a lot. And the podcast, I mean, that's, it's everything. It's like, everything builds upon it, right? Yeah. I love being generous. So there's a lot in there.[00:37:00]

[00:37:00] Lori Massicot: yeah. Yeah. It sounds like everything that you need to really figure out what is next for you and to make sobriety a better experience, if not the best experience that you never knew you needed, right? Yes.

[00:37:13] Lane Kennedy: That's it. Laurie? That's

[00:37:15] Lori Massicot: its. Oh, I'm so excited for you, gals. Thank you so much for being here. Can you share any final words of wisdom with the listener out there who is either wanting to get sober or sober now and just encouragement for these gals?

[00:37:31] Cause we know how hard this is.

[00:37:36] Tamar Medford: I would say, you know, take a chance. Try. You know, reach out, ask for help. It was the best decision I've ever made. It was the scariest decision I ever made, but being able to experience life again. Has been incredible and it's taken time, time, takes time, which we mention a lot on the show. Mm-hmm , you know, but like lane said earlier, reach out for help.

[00:37:59] If you're [00:38:00] struggling, you're not alone in this. There's so many people that are struggling right now and it's okay to not be okay. So I would say that's the biggest thing, right? Cuz we try to be, you know, strong and especially as women, right. We are taught to take care of people and it's okay to take care of yourself.

[00:38:16] So, you know, I would encourage you to make that leap. Yeah.

[00:38:20] Lane Kennedy: I, I think it's also like take a it's it's take a chance on becoming the person that you don't know you are. Right. Like, I didn't know that this is who I was gonna be. I didn't know that I don't even know where I'm going, but I know that I'm evolving to become a better version of myself than I was yesterday.

[00:38:41] And, you know, I have a 12 year old son and he gets to see this E. He, he doesn't see me tearing apart my life and hiding in a closet. He has an opportunity to witness a sober mother. You know, my husband is a normal guy, so [00:39:00] he doesn't have the contrast of, of an alcoholic and, and their cups, so to speak mm-hmm but he sees the difference between me and his father.

[00:39:09] Mm-hmm right. I am on this big quest of having an amazing life. When I'm in recovery, I get to do that. So I say, take a chance on becoming the better version of yourself because you have nothing to.

[00:39:25] Lori Massicot: Beautiful. Thank you so much. I know me would have loved to have heard those final messages, so it's so helpful.

[00:39:33] And I just enjoyed this conversation so much. We did it. Yay. No wifi issues. awesome. Girls. Thank you so much for being here. I'll have everything linked down below in the show notes for lane and tomorrow, so you can find them. And I thank you for listening today. My friends I'll see you next week. Peace.