[00:00:00] Hey there, it's Lori. I'm so grateful to you for being here today. I'm giving you a big virtual hug. I'm the Midlife Sobriety Coach and founder of Team Alcohol Free, an online self improvement community for women 35 and over. Inside TAF, you will find . Daily inspiration and support, and I believe the number one tool any gal, especially in midlife, needs for her alcohol free toolbox, women just like her are working on making the best experience out of freedom from alcohol.

[00:00:32] To join TAF you can click the link in the episode's description, or you can always visit lorimassicot.com. com. When you stop drinking, it is normal to crave a drink and feel the urge to drink. You are never alone in fighting the good fight to stay alcohol free during these tempting moments, as you will hear in this episode.

[00:00:51] Today, I'm going to guide you through five essential solutions that can help you effectively manage those cravings and urges to drink, so you empower yourself to [00:01:00] step into that leading role, that main character energy you were meant to play in your life. Because when you take action and you do something else besides drink in those moments, You break the cycle of drinking and you let that role of alcohol, that relationship that you build with alcohol, fade away into the bowels of, you know where, where it belongs.

[00:01:25] These essentials that I'm going to share with you today, they're pretty practical. They're not easy. But you can do them because they come from women just like you who have learned that the urge to drink is temporary and there are far more positive ways to respond to that urge for long term satisfaction and that freedom from alcohol.

[00:01:45] The bio essentials that I'm going to share with you today, number one, pause, identify and accept, mindfully acknowledge cravings, identify their triggers and accept them as a natural part of the process of going alcohol free. Number two, make your space alcohol free [00:02:00] friendly. We're going to talk about creating a supportive environment at home and what you should remove and add to make yourself a big reminder that, hey, I don't drink here anymore.

[00:02:11] Number three, rotate. This is one of the most popular exercises that I have come across for myself, definitely, and then all of the women around me that I'm working with. Roll tape is to visualize the potential outcomes of drinking by focusing on what is going to take place tomorrow instead of in those moments.

[00:02:31] So you reinforce that why, that reason why you want to be alcohol free like we've talked about, the why power. Number four, create a cravings kit. This is literally a kit that you could put Coloring books or puzzles or anything that is going to help you take that pause in those moments and distract yourself.

[00:02:50] These are healthy distractions. And the last one, number five, find alternative activities. There are so many other things that you can do with that time, but it's also [00:03:00] challenging to find things, especially if you are early on. So don't, don't worry, I got your back friend. We're going to talk about that.

[00:03:07] And then I'm also going to. link below a list of 25 activities that you can do besides drink for you today. This episode is part of the essential series or guide to living alcohol free and midlife and beyond. This is a six week podcast series that I'm doing this summer. I will link the past episodes in the description of this episode below.

[00:03:28] If you want to follow along, start at the beginning because I have a couple of things I will reference from past episodes today. As we dive into the topic of managing cravings and urges to drink, I want to remind you of plan A. Like I just mentioned, this is a reference from a past episode, episode 255, five practical tips to help you stop drinking in midlife and beyond.

[00:03:50] Again, I talk about plan A as the number one tip. It stands for all in on an alcohol free lifestyle. Alcohol is off the table. [00:04:00] Plan A includes seeking support, seeking professional help, having a support system, paying attention to what motivates you to drink, which we're going to talk a little bit more about today, and focusing on why you don't want to drink versus why you do.

[00:04:16] This is all practice. It's all about trial and error. Plan A is all about giving yourself time, patience, self compassion, and self improvement. And really allowing yourself to explore, especially these moments where you do feel like, Eff it! These things are so hard! Why am I still thinking about drinking?

[00:04:35] Why am I having cravings? I know how it feels. I totally understand this. If you were to ask me what that number one thing is that I did to stop drinking, I would have to say it was Plan A taking it off the table, but if you haven't been listening, it took me two years to get there. I was really trying to make alcohol work and I couldn't.

[00:04:57] I didn't really want to anymore, but then I also didn't want [00:05:00] to go all into Plan A necessarily, but I did it to see what would happen. I stopped drinking on August 11, 2013. After relying on alcohol since 1982 to cope and celebrate and have confidence and relieve my anxiety and especially my social anxiety when I was a kid and to feel better.

[00:05:22] I just always thought that these were the things that alcohol was helping me to do. That was, that was my story. Those were my beliefs. It was all valid when I quit drinking towards the end of my drinking. I was only drinking mainly on the weekends because I couldn't handle work days with a hangover. I began setting those rules and trying to moderate to make alcohol work.

[00:05:42] I was trying to manage my drinking more than I was trying to figure out how to stop drinking. But after I took that first sip and I realized those rules that I had for myself where I would go into my drinking stories, which is also a past episode that I just shared. Those [00:06:00] drinking stories that I had, you could have maybe just one.

[00:06:03] What I did get down to was, it was just the one sip. Because after the one sip, those rules would be totally forgotten. And I would end up drinking one to two bottles, and I realized that that was never going to be enough. And as I mentioned in the last episode, Sunday became my favorite drinking day, leaving me with literally two days out of the week where I felt okay ish.

[00:06:26] Without a hangover, without the fogginess, without the regret. Oh my God, I did it again when I said I wasn't going to. But by Thursday, all of that was starting to fade. I was craving a drink. I was thinking about the weekend and that was before and after I quit drinking. I wrote about it in my journal before I quit drinking.

[00:06:48] I would do anything to stop thinking about drinking. That's what I wrote. I realized that the anything. would be to quit drinking. Call me naive if you want. I've [00:07:00] been called worse. It's okay. After I quit, I didn't expect to think about alcohol as much as I did. Are you saying you too? It's one of the most challenging parts of quitting drinking is the thought about drinking.

[00:07:15] It's like, well, wait a minute. I'm not drinking. Why am I thinking about it so much? And I didn't expect it. I mean, for two years leading up to it, that's where I was. I was doing nothing, it seemed like, but thinking about drinking, how to make it work, how to moderate, when I would drink, how much I would have to drink, all of it, and then also being so disappointed in myself, like I said, for drinking when I said I wouldn't.

[00:07:40] It was so exhausting. At six months sober, I wrote this in my sober journal, no alcohol after six months, which seems like forever, but isn't, in parentheses, I'm finding it hard. I thought it would get easier. I think about it a lot after 30 years of drinking. It is a hard habit to [00:08:00] break. I loved my wine. I know it is the best thing for me.

[00:08:05] I know that a bottle plus is never going to be enough. Even though it's hard to admit, I know that I cannot go back. It's got to be all or nothing and I choose nothing. Just stay strong, keep going. I would write these notes to myself, and these notes have helped me so much, and I like to reflect back on them.

[00:08:27] I hesitate to share this stuff sometimes because I don't want to dash anybody's hopes. We all have a different experience with this. This was my experience. I feel like a big part of the work that I do with women is really the work around those drinking thoughts and those cravings and those urges and also the expectations.

[00:08:48] I was really expecting at six months to be done. Like I wanted to just be done because that to me, that was the ultimate outcome. And what I realized is that [00:09:00] my expectations were off. I really didn't know what it was that I was to expect. And so I kept going because I just figured that if I keep going, then one day I will be free from this.

[00:09:13] And I've said it so many times, I'll go say it right here. Time is your best friend. It's the way out. It's honestly, you know, have you ever heard that saying the only way out is through it's. Through is the process and the process takes time. So if you were saying, I would do anything to stop thinking about drinking, I would do anything to stop craving drinking and having these urges, you are not alone.

[00:09:37] What you've got to ask yourself is, would I quit drinking to stop thinking about drinking? And will I give myself the time it takes to manage my thoughts and urges to drink without drinking? And that's where we've got to come to asking ourselves better questions around this, you know? I'm putting this out there because the main purpose of this episode is to help you realize that you are not the only [00:10:00] one who experiences these drinking thoughts and the cravings and those urges that just want to take you out of what your plan A is all about.

[00:10:10] Even though it's easy to say, you know, even though you have a thought or a craving and an urge, it's really easy to say, you don't have to drink because of it, but it's also reality to look at it as that could be one of your number one motivators that takes you back because they do get intense. Let's just call them what they are.

[00:10:28] They're really annoying and frustrating and they make you so angry and you just want that escape and when we feel that way, We, we go all in to drinking. And so I just am putting it out here because I want you to expect them. You got to pause and you got to remember these things take time, but you also have to remember I expect this to come up.

[00:10:49] I'm going to get curious about this and find out a little bit more about it. And then I'm also going to plan for them when they do. The two words, craving and urge, they seem [00:11:00] similar, right? I think that they're used almost like one in the same a lot. They have a little bit of a difference. So when that thought comes up, let's say it's a nice day out, it's the summertime and you have that drinking thought you're, you're going along about your day, you're doing really well.

[00:11:14] These things can just come out of nowhere. These thoughts and you start thinking, Oh, it's such a nice day. I do feel like I could relax by the pool and wouldn't a nice glass of alcohol be so refreshing then that craving hits. And it's definitely triggered by a cue, also known as triggers. These are your drinking motivators.

[00:11:33] We have internal cues, our thoughts, our emotions, our feelings, our memory. So it's like, Oh yes, I do remember being by the pool at one point in my life, drinking a glass of alcohol and it proved to be very nice for about 10 minutes. And then we also have external cues like certain people, places, our environment, advertisements on TV, social media, anything that you see on the outside where you're [00:12:00] instantly reminded, Oh, yes, I used to drink as well, even though you have no intention during that day, we change those associations to drinking those.

[00:12:08] internal cues, those external cues that we get by giving ourselves time and doing something else, doing the opposite, even though the urge to drink will come up and it feels like what it is. Ultimately, we crave alcohol, I think, is because we crave the escape. And so when you are in that place of being alcohol free, you're working on living alcohol free, and you feel like you have nothing to do other than escape through drinking, that urge gets really intense.

[00:12:35] I'm not a doctor or brain expert, you know this about me. I believe that you deserve to be educated. If you feel like your cravings and your urges are something that you want to learn more about and you want to learn more about the brain and how it works with alcohol, I'm going to refer you to two wonderful references.

[00:12:51] First is Dr. Amen. We studied Dr. Amen's brain scans when I was doing my recovery coaching certification. Dr. Eamon is a [00:13:00] brain expert and he has a wonderful Instagram as well.

[00:13:02] So I'm going to link that below. And then also the Huberman lab podcast, Dr. Huberman is a great resource and he has an episode called what alcohol does to your brain, body and health. I'm going to link that in the episodes description. It's good to be educated about these things. What I will say on the Laurie Massacot level, this is my wheelhouse, an urge to drink is some hard shit to get through.

[00:13:25] It's uncomfortable. You are getting way outside your comfort zone by being alcohol free. You can do this. I know that you can. Let yourself work through the discomfort of the cravings and the urges, which really only lasts for minutes. They may come back multiple times throughout the day, but each time you meet one, let yourself work through them versus having the discomfort of long term drinking and the effects, which can last for years.

[00:13:51] Remind yourself doing the hard shit now. Will help you find relief for life drinking when an urge hits only will bring [00:14:00] temporary relief for minutes It seems like the easy way out because it is for a very short amount of time But I think you and I both know that that brings on a harder life when we choose the easy things We have a harder life when we do the hard things we give ourselves an easier future So the five essential solutions that I have for yourself, be patient with yourself and kind and let these five essential solutions help you through.

[00:14:24] Number one, pause, identify and accept. When the urge to drink arises, pause and identify its source. Is it a cue? Is it something inside of you or is it something around you? For example, Sunday, that was my cue. That was it. That day of the week, that was my trigger moment because that was the day where I would normally drink for years and years.

[00:14:46] And it was at the core because of my anxiety. I identified early on that my anxiety was the reason that I would consistently drink. So I had to find new ways to work through my anxiety without drinking. But remember, both the [00:15:00] craving and the urge to drink will eventually pass. Take note, though, by writing it down, by tracking the thought, tracking the craving.

[00:15:07] What was happening before, what was happening during, and what was the solution that you came up with to work through it. And keep a log, keep a record so you can go back. Keeping a record will help you identify patterns and plan ahead to manage when these urges come up. Accept that these urges are a natural part of the process of being alcohol free.

[00:15:28] Embrace them as opportunities to understand yourself better and prepare for them. Self awareness is essential. When it comes to you getting curious about these things, when you pause to identify what is happening, just go, wow, this is very interesting. This is coming up for me right now. Let me grab my logbook and write about it so I can learn a bit more about it.

[00:15:51] You're not pushing it away. You're not avoiding it. You're not turning to alcohol to take it away. You are actually being a really great friend to yourself by getting curious and [00:16:00] interested about what is happening. It's just essential, uh, to know what is motivating you to drink. Self awareness is where it's at.

[00:16:08] Number two, make your space alcohol free friendly. There's no need to tempt yourself by having alcohol in your home. Clean up your home, add some fun reminders that you don't drink here anymore. If someone else has alcohol in the home, create a plan for yourself that will help you create a boundary with yourself that that is their alcohol, it is not for you.

[00:16:31] And also, if you feel like you are maybe fighting with someone in your home, like you need to remove their alcohol and they are resisting, find a way to let that go, because we cannot control anybody else's drinking, especially while you are working on being alcohol free, you need, that is your plan A, you need to focus on yourself.

[00:16:48] Stock up on some treats, made drinks, my favorite drinks, honestly, I, I'm very basic, very basic B, I drink a lot of water, I drink, um, Perrier. And I love La [00:17:00] Croix. I love bubbly water. It's the actual can, bubbly. And then I love ice waters and those are sugar free drinks. And then I've also recently discovered Celsius and these are more of a energy drink packet that I put into my water because it's the summer.

[00:17:19] We also have crystal light packets that are like sugar free, 60 calories, and they have an amazing fruit punch and a lemonade and yeah, I'm kind of loving my drinks right now. I tend to drink more. Of those drinks in the summertime, stock up on those drinks, stock up on, let's see, protein bars, food that is going to nourish you throughout the day.

[00:17:42] Um, nuts, anything that you want. If you get in that snacky mode, if you're like me, you like a snack. Um, yeah, I love my snacks. Fruit right now is big for me. I always have nuts. We always have protein bars. Quest bars are my favorite. I've been eating like edamame. [00:18:00] I like popcorn, popcorn too. I love edamame in the afternoon sometimes, just sounds really good.

[00:18:07] And protein shakes are some of my favorite treats. And then also for reminders, buy a plant, buy a candle. Get yourself some flowers every week. If your kitchen is one of those trigger zones, put the flowers out on the kitchen counter, put a candle out, and light it every night and remind yourself, this is my reminder, nobody else needs to know about it, that I don't drink here anymore, and I'm going to focus on that.

[00:18:34] And let that spark that memory that, Oh yes, my Y power. I'm going to go back to it. And don't forget your Y power. Don't forget your post it notes. Those come in handy for reminding yourself as well. Number three solution. This is a favorite among a lot of women. I like to call it roll tape. This is a great way to be mindful, practice mindfulness, and then also visualize the aftereffects of drinking alcohol.[00:19:00]

[00:19:00] So it's not just that moment where we're looking for that first sip relief. It's what comes next. And sometimes, you know, you take that first glass, maybe you have another, and then after that, you're already regretting it. You're already worried about waking up tomorrow or waking up in the middle of the night.

[00:19:15] You're already worried about how you're going to feel all day. Go there before you go to that first sip relief, because it's just a lie. It's just a bunch of BS. Alcohol promises you a lot in those moments, but man, it never delivers long term. So, roll tape forward to the next day. Bring out the Y power, write it down 10 times in your notebook if you must.

[00:19:38] It's a popular method among women, just like you. Number four, create a cravings kit, or you can call it a safety kit. And this could be a great project for you, my friend, get creative with this, you could literally get a box, you could use a basket, but you want to put items in there that are going to be healthy distractions for you when these cravings come up.

[00:19:58] So let's say you're sitting [00:20:00] on the couch, sitting on the couch was definitely a cue for me because that's where I did a lot of my drinking while watching Lifetime and so having something like that would have been great. And if. I had a cravings kit back then who would have things like maybe a magazine or something that I would do with my hands, crossword puzzles, um, puzzles are big hit among women that I've worked with.

[00:20:23] Literally, you can do like a little mini puzzle. You can lay it out or you can have a puzzle ongoing on your table. That's like 5, 000 pieces. I mean, my goodness, you just walk over to it and like, Oh, I'm going to work on this a little bit right now and let this thing ride its way out of me. Coloring books.

[00:20:39] A daily devotional, you can keep your journal in there. You can have fond memories, maybe a photo. And then also, like I did in my silver journal, when I read you what I wrote, I would write notes to myself. And this is actually one that I had folded up inside my journal, so I'd rip the page out and write these really encouraging notes to myself.

[00:20:59] And I think [00:21:00] that's something great to add to a kit like that. Have fun with it. Yeah, get creative with this. I'm looking up above my desk. I love HomeGoods. If you have a HomeGoods near you, they have these great fabric covered boxes. And I had just recently bought a few and then I also bought a basket and I have like workbooks in there because I love to do like personal development workbooks.

[00:21:20] I have little tea light candles. I have some photos in there. Nobody knows what's in there. My husband and son probably don't even know that it exists. But I do. And when I open it, I'm like, Oh, I'm just reminded of really nice things. And it's just something fun to have for yourself. When you're out and about, have something on you that will help you remind yourself.

[00:21:39] And then also something that you could do for yourself when you are out and about. It could be writing down your Y power on that post it. It could be carrying with you a cross stitch or daily devotional or a crossword puzzle or something to take out. If you are maybe having to wait somewhere and you're doing errands.

[00:21:58] And if you're socializing, you're [00:22:00] going out somewhere, try buying a bracelet. Where you could put the bracelet on and that is your reminder. So you're out and about you're with other people, maybe they're drinking, maybe they're not, but you can look down at your wrist and go, okay, that's my reminder that I'm not drinking.

[00:22:16] I had a bracelet that I got in Catalina. When Bill and I went, I think it was like the first year that our son was born, Bill and I went to Catalina and it was just this sterling silver bracelet and I got it because it said believe on the outside of it and I was nowhere near sober at that point, but I started wearing it after I stopped drinking and it's just one of my favorite little bracelets to have on.

[00:22:39] It's really pretty and it just like believe, believe, believe you can do it. The last solution I have, number five, find alternative activities. Alcohol is one option. There are so many other things to do with your time when you're not drinking. But again, it's tough to come up with these ideas. So I've included a little PDF of 25 activities that you can download [00:23:00] within this episode's show notes.

[00:23:02] And my favorites were, and still are, exercise. Moving my body definitely has helped me during those moments in the beginning. And when I get stressed and anxious right now, I have to move. Saying affirmations or choosing a word that you can focus on. A mantra. Mine was, whatever it takes. And in those moments where I would just be like, This is it.

[00:23:25] Today's the day. I'm going back. No more plan A. I would remember, do whatever it takes. And I did music is one of my biggest tools that I use in, in my life. And that has helped me immensely music and movement. Those are my two faves. And then of course, talking to other women who get it, I have found so much relief in being vulnerable with others and myself and really learning how to share my thoughts and feelings.

[00:23:52] And that has helped me greatly remove that shame and, and the regret that I had felt for my drinking for a really long time. [00:24:00] And I have one bonus solution for you because I like you so much. You often hear the tip, avoid certain situations when you stop drinking. It's smart. I want you to look at it as I'm protecting myself.

[00:24:14] I'm protecting my choice not to drink. If you feel like you're going to be too vulnerable in a situation, you could say no. You could stay home and protect yourself. I want to share that because a lot of women will feel like, Oh, I got to do these things because I don't want to avoid the things that I used to do, or I don't want to avoid people.

[00:24:32] We got to do that mindset flip because mindset really matters. Turn it around and look at it as this is self care. This is me saying I am vulnerable. This is me saying I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through it without drinking. I'm gonna protect myself. I'm gonna start to say no to things. I don't have to go to every single event.

[00:24:51] It's just for right now. That's a really great solution to work through because, you know, when you push yourself too much, you create more stress, then you are [00:25:00] really at risk to go back to drinking. And if you feel the craving to drink or something that you are having just such a hard time working through without drinking, I really hope that you remember you are definitely not alone.

[00:25:10] Please seek help to create a plan that will help you get beyond these challenging times. I'm with you, always. Let's recap quickly. Number one solution, pause, identify and accept, mindfully acknowledge cravings, identify where they're coming from, those cues and triggers, and accept them as a natural part of the process.

[00:25:29] Expect them to happen. Number two, make your space alcohol free friendly. Create a supportive environment at home by removing alcohol if you can, adding positive reminders where you go, and using some really fun ways to remind yourself, like flowers or candles, that you don't drink here anymore. Number three, roll tape.

[00:25:50] Visualize yourself rolling an old fashioned video recorder that you're looking through. Visualize what that negative outcome will be if you drink in [00:26:00] this moment. Give yourself that honest look at how you feel in the middle of the night, how you feel in the morning and follow it through to the next day.

[00:26:08] So you reinforce your intention. You reinforce that why power in the moment of a craving. Number four solution, create that cravings kit, have fun, prepare that kit with healthy distractions, puzzles, coloring books, anything that is going to help you really focus on that in the moment when you're a hit with a drinking thought or craving urge.

[00:26:28] And then lastly, find alternative activities, explore things that you enjoy doing. I'm going to give you that list of 25 activities that you can download in the show notes just to get some inspiration. Lastly, Remember, the urge to drink is temporary and there are so many more positive ways to respond to it for long term freedom from alcohol.

[00:26:50] I'm with you. Always. I'm cheering for you. You can do this. And if you can't, you're not alone. Please reach out and get that help and support that you deserve. You want to stay connected to 250 [00:27:00] and beyond and get the essential series delivered to your inbox. You don't have to find them here on the app.

[00:27:05] Join my email community by clicking the link in the show notes. And if you are ready to find that support and encouragement that you do deserve. Join my online community, Team Alcohol Free, where there are women just like you working together to really live alcohol free. And I'm one of those women. We will welcome you with open arms.

[00:27:23] Click the TAF link to get started today. Up next, a bonus episode, how to build your alcohol free muscle, one feeling at a time, coming your way in a couple of days. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Peace.[00:28:00]